Google+ Authentic Parenting: When Full Time Mothering is Not An Option

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

When Full Time Mothering is Not An Option

Staying at home with your kids is a great nurturing and bonding opportunity for both the parent and the child, but sometimes, this is simply not an option. But how does one create a continued attached care for ones child when away and what options are there when you have to bring in some hard cash for your family to thrive?

Alternative work arrangements

  • Work out an arrangement with your employer to do some or all of your work from home.
  • If you can't work from home, try to get fluctuating hours so you can accommodate childcare, maybe you can consider a part time job?
  • Find an employment you can do from home, nowadays, there are lots of different jobs to do from the home which allows you to be present for your children.
  • You could also look into starting a webshop, or Etsy store if you're crafty.
  • Sell your services to friends and family: you could do some part time babysitting in your home, or bake cookies or whatever your talent is - which you can practice at home - sell it or trade it for something you need. 

There are lots of ways to arrange childcare that are a continuation to the warm family home:

  • If you have a partner, try to find out a way how your children are cared for by the two of you as much as possible. This may mean that one of you works the weekends, or starts work earlier than the other. You might still need alternative childcare, but oit won't have to be full time.
  • Get a friend or family member to care for your child in your house or in theirs.
  • See if you can work out an arrangement with a friend or neighbor who is at home (thinking retired or stay at homer mother): you could do shopping or mow the lawn in return for babysitting.
  • If none of these options are available, opt for small in-home daycare, where there are only a few children. Try it out and get to know the caregiver beforehand.

Other considerations

  • If finances are an issue, it's important we investigate the way we are living. Write down all of your expenses during a month and make a budget accordingly, categorizing all expenses (transport - housing - food - clothing - luxuries - other). If you have done this meticulously during a month, you'll be able to pinpoint where your expenses can be fine tuned. Perhaps your housing cost is overboard and you should consider downsizing? Maybe you spend a lot on transport and should consider a smaller/more economical car or public transportation.
  • It might be time to consider what you really need and what part of your lifestyle is actually compensating for the lack of family time, maybe there is more happiness to be found in a more minimalistic approach to life
  • Make your calculations well: read how sometimes staying at home actually saves you money
  • You can also make a nice amount of money just by selling the stuff you'rte not using anymore: sell your old clothes to second hand stores or websites, have a yard sale, sell antiques and attic finds in speciality stores or on ebay.

Sometimes if we think outside the box, we can find solutions that are beneficial to the whole community.

Added to the Tuesday Baby Linkup



  1. I was going to post this to a gfs wall but it's not really appropriate to her...what if a child is already in daycare full time, single mum & is adamant there is no other way? How can she still be attached to her child? They are struggling at the moment, I'm trying to help xxx

    1. maybe some of the ideas I posit are things she didn't think about yet?
      The 'hierarchy' of childcare is:
      - childcare by both or either parent
      - childcare by one attached person in the child's house
      - childcare by one attached person in their house
      - private daycare (small group - in home)
      - group daycare in a daycare center

      I think people always have options, it's just finding teh way to work them out. Maybe the trade option would work for her.
      Obviously if she's making an effort to consider her attachment to her child, she is already attached, and she'll probably spend as much quality time with her child when she is available. Is she breastfeeding? It is possible to send your milk to daycare, which is like sending a piece of you with your child. Giving the child something that smells like her is a good idea too (eg sleeping with a blankie or something close to you and then giving that to the child).
      Cosleeping is also a good way to connect in the few hours we have when the child goes to daycare.
      I hope this gave you some ideas. I will work out a post about the topic


  2. Thanks Laura, she's not really an attached parent, I was just hoping to steer her in that direction, she didn't bf & has felt very resentful of her situation. They just had a Christmas break & now her Child is struggling to go back to daycare. I love the blog & know this would be very helpful when someone is starting to go back to work, just wondered if you could think of some tips when it's "too late" xx

    1. Hi mummabear
      I think it's never truly "too late" and we can always choose to gravitate towards a more attached lifestyle.
      I will put together an article for working parents, but it will need some time. I do have an article on transitioning your kid back to school after the holidays (you can use the custom search box) and some of these tips might be helpful here too.


  3. These are wonderful suggestions! I feel so thankful to be home with my children, but I know at some point, I will have to return to work, and I will be sure to look into these kinds of options as a priority.

    Thanks for linking up at The Tuesday Baby Link Up again!

  4. P.S. I am featuring this post in tomorrow's Tuesday Baby Link Up post :-)

  5. Thanks for this lovely post Laura, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. You definitely offer up the gentlest solutions for the child, if mother has to work :)
    I chose this post as my featured post for this Tuesday's Baby Link-Up :)


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