I had a one of those mornings recently. You know, those day when things just seem to be off. My car keys mysteriously disappeared, I spilled my coffee over and the dog tried to steal my toast. Then I stubbed my toe trying to put on my boots with one hand while nursing… Every light was red, every slow moving vehicle ever created by man decided to drive the exact same way I was headed. At the cashier, I realized my wallet had rolled out of my purse and was probably chatting with one of the lost socks and cheerios under the front seat of my car. As I rushed back out to the parking lot…Bella started to cry.
No…don’t cry now! Not right now! I thought to myself. And in the span of two seconds I had this flash of thoughts. I’m not in “I can take anything that comes my way” mode…I’m frazzled. I’m hurting…stupid door-stop, why did I stub my toe on it…I’m so tired. I’m still spent from the visit to the ER with Nicolas yesterday…It wasn’t Leukemia, Halleluiah, it was not leukemia. I want to cry in relief. I’m breathing. Aha! Just keep breathing.
I looked at Bella, her big blue eyes were fixed on mine, her little cheeks were red like the strawberries we were supposed to buy. The morning hadn't been all peachy for Bella either. I had rushed her along, I trampled all over our usual wonderful and happy routine. I nursed her while putting on shoes for crying out loud! Bella needed a hug.
So, I kept breathing, scooped her up and held her close. The crying faded away. “Mama sad face” she said. Too much running around? No answer. “I’m frowning a lot” and I exaggerated a frowning face. “Yups, that mama. sad face.” She said. “Yes, mama has been worried. I am sorry." We went back into the store, paid and went on our way, still hugging.
On the way home, we stopped at the playground, as Bella climbed I noticed her blond whispy curls blow in the wind. I noticed her beautiful smile. I matched my breathing to the coming and going of the swings. We had so much fun together.
Once Bella was napping, I tried to center myself and not just move on, but move through my feelings. All of them, the anger, the fear, the annoyance, the total relief...Then, I had a sob – one of those healing sobs. I felt better, much better, ready to handle whatever was thrown my way again.
Everyone can have one or many of those mornings, sometimes days. From dealing with the toughest health scares, to the less serious yet, annoying days when the car just don’t start, sometimes our emotions start to add up. The circumstances will probably be different, but the true constant for me to deal with the emotional overload is to find the awareness, breathe, and find a good outlet for my anger, frustration, hurt or whatever feeling it may be.
What about for you?Have you had one of those days? How do you deal?