True creativity cannot be forced to conform to society's unnatural time constraints. The insistence on pushing in labor is simply a reflection of our cultural attitude that force and haste are superior to trust and patience.
When we first adopted the idea of unschooling for our family, one of my greatest fears was that we live in places without a library. How would we be able to help our children closely follow their interests without access to cheap reading material on very diverse topics. For me - an obsessive reader - books are the easiest way to gain access to the topics you want more info about, at least if you’re looking for thorough documentation.
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| Image: Heza on Flickr |
All arguments are in favor of routine nose removal. Routine nose removal prevents:
Suggestion of pain is conveyed by the atmosphere of the labor room; it emanates from doctors, nurses and relatives. They believe in pain; subconsciously or consciously they suggest, expect and even presume pain. Upon the sensitive mind of a woman in labor such authoritative (suggestions are) a powerful adjuvant to painful sensations.
Originally published at SQUAT! Birth Journal.
A Leboyer bath is a gentle way to welcome your newborn into the world. The technique was first described by French obstetrician Frederick Leboyer in his book “Birth Without Violence” and used in order to ease the baby into the world.
Leboyer believed that the crying and dramatic body tension we have come to see as normal, even desired, is not normal or healthy in a newborn and is a sign of severe birth trauma.
A traumatic birth leaves a lasting impression on an infant's mind, setting the tone for future experiences.
Our children come to us so we may recognize our psychic wounds and call up the courage to transcend the limitations these wounds place on us.
Originally published at Dirt and Diapers
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| Image: ejhogbin on Flickr |
The childbearing year is a thirteen month year: the two months before conception, the nine months of pregnancy, and the two months following the birth.
Wise Woman Herbal by Susun Weed guides you through herbalism for the childbearing woman, from child wish through pregnancy to a couple of months postpartum. Not only the mother and her ailments or discomforts are highlighted, there’s also a significant deal of attention devoted to the newborn. The book does not only offer herbal concoctions, but shares a great deal of wisdom and empowerment on womanhood in general.
“Women are the carriers of life. We hold the fruit of our loving beneath our hearts.”
We want what we consider to be "best" for our children, but in seeking to bring this about, we can easily forget that the most important issue is their right to be their own person and lead their own life in accord with their unique spirit.
Written by Helen Lingard
Hi, my name is Helen Lingard. Im a former nurse from the UK who moved to New Zealand in the late 80s. About a year later I met my ex husband had our daughter, returned to the UK for 6 years during which time we had our son, married and then returned to New Zealand in 1999.
In 2002 our 4 year marriage and 13 year old relationship was sadly over. I was the one who called it a day on my marriage – the usual reasons – we had grown apart – forgot how to communicate with each other and I just felt there had to be more. So I did what I thought was the best thing for all concerned and ended it.
So here I was a 40 something year old single mum, living in New Zealand, originally from Wales, UK and with all my family still living there.
My kids were 9 and 4 at the time. The hardest thing I found was in the evenings – doing the dinner, homework bath and bed on my own. However I have to say - because my ex and I had argued a lot in the time leading up to our split – I was somewhat relieved to have the peace and quiet despite the exhausting time I was having.
Once I had the kids in bed – I would have a hot bath with candles and a glass of wine. It was my treat!
I also found when we split that our friends deserted us too, most of them. Rather than rally round you – they don’t seem to realize what to do, so they just desert you. At least that was my experience.
With no family around (although on reflection going through the marriage break without my family was a blessing really – I dearly love my family but some things are better coped with without family) – I needed to get out there and find a support network. I moved right out of my comfort zone and talked to other parents at school – slowly finding out who was in the same boat as me.
One of the friends I made at this time was Sarah – who turned out to be the absolute best friend anyone could possibly have. I do believe Everything happens for a reason and I do believe Sarah came into my life at that time for a purpose.
Sarah was there for me through some incredible times. I had arranged to go back and see my family at Xmas time (we split in the February), and whilst we were over in the UK our family house sold, so Sarah moved my stuff out of the house and into storage. She was also looking after our family dog at the time. She then found us a place to live on our return that would take a dog AND helped us move us in on our return.
Everyone needs a wonderful friend like Sarah when they go through trauma.
I had been working from home as well as working a night shift at the local rest home (my previous occupation before coming to NZ was a nurse). When my marriage broke up I realized that the money I was earning was just ‘pin’ money so with the split I needed to find a job and find child care for before and after school.
Whilst looking for work – I trotted along to WINZ… (the Dole office in the UK) and signed on for DPB – Single Parent benefit. I was about to learn a lot about WINZ during the next few years! It was never my choice to go on benefit, I would personally much prefer to work – but the lady at WINZ who I happened to know from cricket years ago – advised me that whilst in this ‘newly separated’ state I should just relax – take care of myself and the children and not worry too much about working. It was great advice.
Within a few months – I found some work, sorted out before and after school care. Exhausting though it was, it was nice to have my independence back.
I made a lot of new friends at my kid’s school that year – lots of single mums – we kind of banded together: had laughs, moans and were just there for each other.
I’ve always been one of the lucky ones – their dad is very much in the picture, has them regularly and pays child support but our relationship isn’t easy.
In the early years – I HATED being single – I would sit in cafes/restaurants with my children and look at all the ‘happy’ families – hating them for being ‘happy’. I have since learnt that you really don’t know whats going on in other people’s lives, so its far better not to judge and just concentrate on YOU and yours.
I also used to hate my FREE time and would ensure I was out on my Free time, I would feel if I wasn’t out I was missing out on finding myself a new man ;0). Now, I LOVE my Free time. Im very self sufficient. I have had a few relationships but I have grown very fussy. I learnt what I do and don’t want from my 13 year relationship/marriage from which I have my gorgeous children. Therefore I know what I want from a relationship in the future and whilst I'm willing to compromise on some things, I know that until that special man comes along I'm very happy on my own.
I have always been a pretty positive person but in 2009 I really began to invest in my own personal development – I became part of a wonderful business community of like minded people on the internet and I also met them at conferences. I cannot tell you what this has done for me. Some 9 ¾ years on from my marriage breaking up I am a different person: confident, independent, very happy, self empowered and loving my life.
I recently got a request on my Facebook page about parenting peacefully when you have a teen. Now, I think much of peaceful parenting is the same no matter the age of your child. Respect and trust need to be the basics of your parenting toolbox.
As I have a toddler right now, I went searching for links by bloggers who have teens themselves.
“It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry.”
Yesterday, my daughter saw me looking at a color palette and came to sit next to me. “I like his yellow,” she said, pointing to a bright and sunny hue, “but this blue is great too!”. This time she was aiming for a primary blue.
My daughter loves colors and she loves to inquire about them. She specifically likes the special names like ‘purple’ or ‘magenta’ and loves to compare colors: “these two are the same! This is somewhat the color of my doggies nose, but not really.” Then she proudly brings the color samples forward and asks me how I call this color. I’ll say something like old pink, and then she’ll go to my husband and ask the same question, probably getting a different answer (he’ll probably say just red or pink).
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| Image: Capture Queen on Flickr |
It has been usual for men to think and say, "Many men are slaves because one is an oppressor; let us hate the oppressor." Now, however, there is among an increasing few a tendency to reverse the judgement, and to say, "One man is an oppressor because many are slaves; let us despise the slaves." The truth is that oppressor and slave are cooperators in ignorance, and, while seeming to afflict each other, are in reality afflicting themselves. A perfect Knowledge perceives the action of law in the weakness of the oppressed and the misapplied power of the oppressor. A perfect Love, seeing the suffering which both states entail, condemns neither. A perfect Compassion embraces both oppressor and oppressed. He who has conquered weakness, and has put away all selfish thoughts, belongs neither to oppressor nor oppressed. He is free.
Controlling of children isn't just about the relationship between an adult and a child. It happens within a broader societal dynamic that is influenced by how we, as a culture, see children and the experience of childhood.
Article first published as Book Review: Natural Life Magazines Green and Healthy Homes by Wendy Priesnitz on Blogcritics.
Except for being hanged by the feet, the supine position is the worst conceivable position for labor and delivery.
Getting away for vacation in the summer is pretty standard, but I also enjoy traveling in the fall. It's a great way to appreciate the changing seasons and offers me some late-year fun before the holidays arrive. The Midwest offers many destinations for the travel-minded – locales that offer culture, fresh food, and a variety of entertainment that will suit families from all backgrounds. Here are some of my family's favorite places to visit.
Conner Prairie – Fishers, IN
Going to Conner Prairie Interactive History Park has been a longstanding tradition for my family. No matter how old the members of our party, we're all children when the Headless Horseman rides through the woods during a haunted hayride. Our visit offers the chance to make S'Mores, sing "Scary-o-ke," and see the Legend of Sleepy Hollow puppet show. It's a great way to celebrate fall before the weather turns wintry and it offers interactivity for younger folks.
Roosevelt Theatre – Chicago, IL
When deciding what to do in Chicago, options abound. In the past, my family has enjoyed touring the city by trolley, visiting Navy Pier, the Planetarium, or admiring the changing foliage after a walk through a local park. Consider taking in a show at the Roosevelt Theatre. It's a great place to see a dance company perform, such as The Joffrey Ballet or Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater, and a wonderful way to take the chill off after a day of sightseeing.
Soulard Farmers' Market – St. Louis, MO
If you're looking for local history and good food, visit Soulard Farmers' Market in St. Louis. Open year-round, the market is a great place to pick up seasonal foods, sample baked goods, and grab a bite. A great place to teach kids about proper nutrition, the indoor/outdoor market also offers the adults in my family the chance to sample local brews and wines.
Crazy Wisdom Bookstore & Tea Room – Ann Arbor, MI
Located near the University of Michigan, Crazy Wisdom is a great landing place after crunching through the leaves on campus. Stop in for gifts and books about spirituality, holistic health, and raising your consciousness, and make time to go upstairs to the tea room where you can sample more than 100 varieties of tea. This year's Halloween bash includes folk music and a costume contest with prizes.
Frist Center for the Visual Arts – Nashville, TN
Along with an exhibit about Egypt, the Frist's fall offerings include chances for family members of all ages to make art during the Habitat for Humanity Fall Festival. A great chance to introduce people of all ages to the wonderful world of museums, visiting the Frist also exposes visitors to art that celebrates photography, video, and multimedia.
Getting away for a fall trip is generally pretty easy to do, especially when so many great cities are only a few hours' drive away. I like that I can enjoy art, culture, and incredible scenery without spending every last cent in my wallet, something I think all families can appreciate. What are some of your favorite fall destinations?
What always amazes me is that while there is so much talk all around about love and sex and building healthy relationships, there is so little said about birth. It's as if birth wasn't a natural part of this beautiful process of falling in love and having sex, but rather as if it were some scary, dangerous disease that one can get by talking about it.
written by Danielle
Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is not as specific a term as those unaffected may think. The erectile dysfunction umbrella covers everything from psychological impotence to
peyronies disease. All types of ED vary in level of severity and permanence. With differing levels of success, each form of ED does come with treatment options. But when a heterosexual couple is trying to get pregnant, the stresses of ED become spotlighted.
Unfortunately, ED is not only a stumbling block for a healthy sex life, because it is tied so closely to the idea of physical wellness it can create a lot of emotional baggage for a couple when they start to feel "unhealthy" or "unfit."
We like to pretend otherwise, but when a man and woman are trying to get pregnant sex stops being a spontaneous act of affection, and it transitions to more of a math equation.
The likelihood of ovulation + sperm count multiplied by the frequency of sex + a fertility friendly diet and lifestyle = baby-making optimization.
A lot of women start mapping their ovulation cycles while a lot of men start worrying about their performance. With men any inability to impregnate (whether it is a low sperm count, libido plaguing stress, or ED) can make him feel inadequate. The idea of sex manifests into a feeling of failure instead of joy. The delicacy of this issue makes it a difficult discussion topic for many couples, but shirking communication is the last thing one should do.
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| Image: Jenny Downing on Flickr |
If a woman decides to share her birth with others, however, it should be because she chooses to - not because she feels she has to, out of fear of pain and problems.
Article first published as Book Review: A Rule is To Break by John and Jana on Blogcritics.
In Europe, five hundred years ago, men tortured and burned the Wise Women who healed with herbs, the midwives, the ones who celebrated the cyclical ways. Calling them witches, they burned them in the millions and broke the flow of mother to daughter transmission. In the Americas, their sons down the way killed the medicine women and curanderas, the Wise Women of the New World. Then they denied the existence of Wise Women in history.
Without our connection to each other and the earth, without our mother’s wisdom, we forgot our power. When we were told that we had no souls, and no minds, and no sisters, we believed it was true. When they told us that childbearing was too dangerous and difficult for women, midwives, and herbs, we believed it was true.
Welcome to the October Carnival of Natural Parenting: Money Matters
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how finances affect their parenting choices. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Ah Money... another one of those topics that can bring many a parent to a cringe. Because how do you approach the subject with your child? How do you ensure they don’t become spoiled or wasteful?
For our family, something we really want to avoid in our parenting is to overvalue money. Money is such a big thing in Western Society, and tends to become overvalued. Instead of happiness or joy, people seek monetary success. So much general speech is already value or money laden, think only about sayings like : “if the price is right”, “money makes the world go round”... To counter all that artificial value placed on money, we deliberately avoid phrases like: “that was expensive” when our child is being wasteful. Instead, we talk about emotional value of objects or the impact of being wasteful on the environment and the scarcity of things, maybe even the difficulty we had to acquire it (and believe me, here in DRC, everything is difficult to acquire.
But the way your child learns to think about money isn’t only about what you say about it, it’s also how you act about it.
Our living situation largely helps in our vision on monetary issues, as we live really really remotely, money isn’t a big part of our daily lives. We don’t go on buy nothing days, we can go for weeks without spending any cash. We use insurance comparison shopping to save money. We get some supplies once a month and harvest the rest from our garden. Sometimes we get lucky and we can buy a banana alongside the road.
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“Women are the carriers of life. We hold the fruit of our loving beneath our hearts.”
Hi all,
It's been a while since I wrote a non-informational post and wasted some cyberspace on blabbing about the exiting changes on my blog! So without further ado:
New Sponsor!
You may have noticed that I have a new sponsor (left sidebar). I found Mirasol Farm on Etsy when I was looking for custom birth favors, and they're concocting two different soaps especially for my baby. I will keep you updated on how they turn out. Aside from lovely organic soaps and yummy jams from the fruit on their farm, they also make lots of special mommy products, like this Post-Partum Herbal Bath Tea.
An older expat friend, who had travelled and lived all over the world, once told us that, upon visiting some Asian country - which one it was, I can't quite remember - he was invited to a feast in a small village. All the guests were served a broth-style soup, which was by far the most awful thing he had ever eaten. When inquiring after the ingredients, he was pointed to a young woman, sitting by the side, holding a tiny newborn.
Turns out in this village, when an infant was born, tradition perscribed that the entire village would feast upon a soup which main ingredient is the newborn's placenta (yet there were other probably much more disgusting ingredients added).
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| Image: lunar caustic on Flickr |
For long it was believed that animals ate the placenta to hide the smell for possible predators. Yet this theory is being refuted because they do not ingest the amniotic fluid released at the birth. Research has shown there are a multitude of reasons why placentaphagy exists in animals."In most cultures childbirth is very important and the child is cherished. The placenta is a very important issue that must be disposed of properly or the child will not have a good life." (*)When the placenta is buried, it is often done close to the child's home. The reason therefor is to prevent children from scattering too far from home and to always have them come back to their maternal home. Often a tree or shrub is planted in the spot the placenta has been buried. If one opts for planting a tree, one must wait up until a year after the placenta burial, because the hormones and nutrients it contains are too strong and most firts be broken down. (If it has been frozen for an amount of time this problem does not occur.)
"After digging an appropriately sized hole, score the sides of the hole so the soil is more amenable to tender roots. Put the placenta in, and cover it with a half to a full inch of soil before placing the plant on top of it. Hold the plant steady while the rest of the hole is filled. Water the plant well after planting. Newly planted trees and shrubs need to be watered on a regular basis the first year until they form a good root system. As the placenta breaks down in the soil, the tree or shrub will reap the benefits of all the nutrients packed in that placenta."(*)
"...the fresh placenta should be eaten within the first few days after the birth (refrigeration is a necessity). Any time beyond this, it should be preserved by freezing it, dehydrating it into "placenta jerky" or by making it into a placenta tincture using 100 proof vodka as a preservative..."(*)Cooking:
"This process includes steaming, drying, grinding and encapsulating the placenta. Every placenta varies in size and substance, therefore the average amount of capsules ranges, between 50-200. The capsules are taken 1-3 times per day for the first 1-3 weeks, or until strength has been restored, and as needed thereafter." (**)Find a specialist in your area. If you want to learn more about encapsulation, you can read my article "Everything You Want To Know About Placenta Encapsulation".
Actually, all education is self-education. A teacher is only a guide, to point out the way, and no school, no matter how excellent, can give you education. What you receive is like the outlines in a child's coloring book. You must fill in the colors yourself.
Some time ago, I was watching America’s Next Top Model. On the rare occasions I get to watch cable, reality TV is one of my not so guilty pleasures. Especially the kind of shows with a spunk of glamour and glitter.
My father walked in and watched about one second of it, where the girls in the show were acting more than stereotypical, screaming and jumping around because of the arrival of “Tyra Mail”.
“Women are so stupid. Look at them. Aren’t you more intelligent than to watch this? Guess you’re not, you’re just a woman too.”
Just a few things he exclaimed while he stayed put to watch the rest of the episode with me.
I grew up around such comments. But it never was as clear as this time, as I had been away from home for so long and came to the house this time with an altered mindset.
I grew up hating women, even my own mother, because they were silly and ignorant. Intelligent women were rare. Probably I assumed this attitude to gain my father’s love or attention.
For a long while I have thought this. I have lived by it. I didn’t get along well with women, because I felt superior to them, because I had them figured out.
Comments from a university professor that I was “funny and that proves my intelligence, since humor is a rare quality in women, only the intelligent ones possess” actually made me proud, instead of angry and frustrated at the slandering of my gender.
The women I did look up to, were the ones who had made it in a mens world, by becoming cold and bitchy and anti-feminist. That was what I aspired to and thought it took to gain my father’s approval.
Now I know that my father’s approval and unconditional love are simply non-existent and I am not looking for them any more. The couple of years I have spend in the presence of all these intelligent, enlightened women in the birth and parenting community have changed me. Have opened my eyes and have reversed my brainwashing.
It is possible to undo an entire childhood and adolescence of conditioning.
But it got me thinking... How many girls grow up with these comments day in day out, and don’t even notice how harmful they are. How many of these girls grow up to be feminists, renouncing everything that is feminine about themselves and thinking they are the superior for it?
Feminism is about enlightening each other, caring for all females, no matter what their situation is. Instead of aspiring to change all that is feminine, to ‘overcome’ such statements.