Often failure and mistake as a parent is caused by falling into old patterns, patterns we need to find a way to overwrite and eradicate.
Here is a list of my hardest things, what are yours? And what are you doing to change them?
- Anger - Anger is my biggest problem. I have a lot of bottled anger and I still haven’t found a healthy way of working through it, one that actually works in the moment.
- Not yelling - rationally, I know that yelling is wrong and only makes matters worse, yet it is hard to avoid that knee jerk reaction that brings a pitch to my voice when I’m alarmed or stressed out.
- Unconditionality - After having being conditioned towards conditionality, it is very hard for me to shake this off and not withdraw my love when my daughter acts up. Frankly, I just struggle to remain present and loving when she is kicking or stressing out.
- Peer Pressure - Whenever I am in public, I notice that I have much more pressure to perform, as a good mother, a perfect wife... It is very stressful and makes me handle situations in ways I know are wrong, just to get them out of the way (which generally just doesn’t work at all). I have relaxed a lot more and I notice that I’m actually way cooler about things than my husband, while it used to be the reverse.
- My husband - As my husband works six days a week, it is understandable that he doesn’t have the 18 hours a day to think about birth, parenting, natural living, so obviously, there is a huge gap in our knowledge. We do have discussions about these topics, but our discussions, as our time together, are very limited. I always feel as if he is limping behind and I feel the need to correct him when he addresses our daughter in a way that strokes with the beliefs I have about parenting. It is frustrating for the both of us and I don’t quite see how we can fix this. Moreover, he’s just not that interested in those topics as I am to actually consider them those 18 hours a day. We do plan to eventually make changes in our lives, so he works a little less and I get to work a little more and he will take up more of the parenting than he does now, but I am unsure if it will change the situation a lot.
- Remaining present through emotion - I have to collect all my energy not to get angry, frustrated or caught in the emotion when my daughter has an emotional outburst. Often I find it easiest to remain gentle by disconnecting, but I know that’s just a lesser evil.
Update: This is a post I wrote a while back. I must say that I have far less issues with peer pressure nowadays, and with my husband - as far as parenting goes - we are doing better. I'm working a lot on the anger issue, so you might see some post come up on that topic in the near future. It's nice to know that I am in fact growing and not standing still. With mindfulness, we can reprogram our minds and knee-jerk reactions.
What is it you are struggling with? Do you feel like you are slowly overcoming your issues? What has helped most?