Google+ Authentic Parenting: Mama is a Dirty Word (rerun)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Mama is a Dirty Word (rerun)

Have you ever noticed how people look at you differently when you tell them you have a child. People's look changes. Especially younger adults who don't have children themselves.
It's like suddenly you become less than interesting. Like there is no more value and every conversation you might have had becomes obsolete, because clearly, since you are a mother, you must have nothing to tell... Certainly if you are a jobless mother (read stay at home). How can you have something interesting to tell if all you do is play with a toddler, clean off goo and change diapers?

It is so inconceivable that mothers can be interesting that when we blog, they need to invent a whole new category for us. Because god forbid that a non-mother would accidentally read all the brain dead stuff we write about poop and nappies. Maybe soon we'll see warning signs on 'mom' blogs, to refrain intelligent creatures from reading our 'pulp'.
And it is so inconceivable that mothers can be attractive or sexy that there needs to be a concept like MILF. Exceptions make the rule, right!

Never in the history of humanity has motherhood been such a demeaning, undesirable state. After all, the main goal of man is to procreate, so women who were able to breed decent offspring have always been honored and cherished.
Yet nowadays, we have come to a time where motherhood is just a bump along the road. Something inconvenient to get over with, like laundry or diarrhea.

Maybe somewhere deep down we understand that we have fucked up the world beyond repair and we should not procreate such mindless folk anymore? Instead of giving up and tossing mothers on the trash, shouldn't we try to do better? Maybe put mothers back on a pedestal? At least give them the respect they deserve for raising the generation that will someday care for us.



  1. Fantastic post. I agree that mama is a dirty word these days. When I was growing up, it was always inferred to me that choosing to have children was the easy option; a cop out. Something that women did if they were too stupid to pursue a university degree or a good job. It was the secondary option to a "real" career. This kind of thinking is so damaging. It's only since actually *having* children that I've realised that there's nothing easy about it.

    I got into an argument with an acquaintance on facebook the other day over my opinion on something parenting-related. He told me to get a life and realise that there are more important things to be advocating for. I told him that, in my eyes, there was very little more important than advocating not only for those who cannot advocate for themselves, but for the generation that will inherit the earth after we are long gone.

  2. Wow, it sounds like you guys have had really bad experiences. I must admit, though I usually agree with most you say, I really haven't experienced this. Most people I tell I have quit by job in policy work to stay home with my young son tend to agree wholeheartedly and say it's the best for him. Lots of people ask me about my opinions on political matters and will also hear me out regarding childhood issues. Maybe it's the people I know? Maybe the way the conversations play out? I don't know. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and be very honest. I do hope you don't take it the wrong way. I've been enjoying your blog ever since I came across it and have forwarded posts to quite a few people. But sometimes it seems to me you're taking quite a strong them and us position. Which is totally your prerogative, nobody makes me read your blog. But for you. And your family. Maybe it would be easier to not be so mad at the world? I'm not saying there aren't issues: there are issues a plenty. But sometimes being less defensive is more productive, but that would be too much to get into right now.
    As for mommy blogs, the vast majority I would agree only appeal to parents or people who are in close proximity to children. But doesn't that happen with all blog categories? I don't really read sports blogs because it's not my interest, but I'm sure many are great. Or maybe I just didn't *get* this post. Either way, sorry for the long post.

  3. bxlsprout
    About the mom blogs, yes, this is a blog that talks about parenting, so the link may be a little more obvious. But if a man is to write the same content I have here, he is more likely to be categorized a parenting blog or a early childhood expert. Or a philosopher...
    But even mothers who do not write about feminism get categorized as mom bloggers, just because they have a child.

    And about the us vs them... If you had read this blog thoroughly, you would find I specifically counteract and question the us vs them ideas. Moreover, this is a blog, about parenting and about life, green life and life with children, and authentic life... this is not a journal. what I write in this blog is what I question, what I think about. That doesn't mean that it is what I talk about in daily life.
    I have very few like minded people in my life so I tend to not talk about these topics at all, or very little. I do not have a problem living together with different minded people, but most people do.
    You are lucky that you have gotten so many positive reactions and that you are stil lregarded as a person. I bet you have a wonderful circle of friends. I know frol experience and from accounts of others, that when you do not have the luxury to choose the people you interact with, you do not often get that same respect and regard.

  4. I think there is also a difference in peoples' reactions if you have not had a 'career' before becoming a at home mom. While I have several degrees, I did not start my career before having children. People seem to envy those mothers who 'quit working' (ha!), and pity those who didn't build a career first. I get asked if I am developing my career while home. No! I don't seem to be able to do both. Hats off to those who can! We must support each other, and honor each individual's path.

  5. "Something inconvenient to get over with, like laundry or diarrhea"
    Oh ah ah ah ! Yes !

    And for the bad experiences of being a SAHM, I got that too. As soon as I say (when asked for what I do), for example at a dinner with my partner's boss and oversea colleagues, that I quit my job 6 years ago to take care of the children, I cease to be of any interest, and the conversation stops right there. Sigh. Once again, your post is right on.

  6. @Crystal: Ain't that the truth. I never worked and got married during my last year of uni... I do get a lot of 'but don't you want to do anything with your degree' comments... You know, I am doing exactly what I dreamt I would be doing: writing. Though I never knew it would be non fiction. I've even been published in a renowned publication. How's that for not having a career.
    It's so sad that people get trapped in this consumerist vision of life that they forget that there are alternatives, and that they are valid.


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