Google+ Authentic Parenting: My View of Attachment Parenting

Thursday, February 10, 2011

My View of Attachment Parenting

written by Jenny Binkowski

I was the last of my friends to have a child. This provided me with a lot of knowledge on what I did NOT want to do.

I never read many books during my pregnancy. I simply knew the following things:

  • My infant would not be put in a bed in another room to wonder what the heck happened to the warm person she shared the first (in my case) 38 weeks of her life with.
  • My infant would NOT cry it out in any fashion for any reason. I would wear her in a sling or carrier (Ergo and Maya Wrap) and attend to her every need, always. (A side note here, I hate those carrier car seats! Talk about detachment parenting!)
  • I would give her the breast for as long as I could. 
  • I would feed her everywhere we went no matter what.
All of the above was hard thing for my “friends” who already had kids to deal with because they didn’t nurse, didn’t co-sleep and didn’t babywear. [A side note here, I do have two friends on the same page as me and they are super supportive and inspiring to me] I also think some of my “friends” were jealous or envious. The way I parented created such a strong parent child bond that most never experienced. Motherhood to them meant something so different but to watch me do it our way they wanted a “do-over”.

Another “problem” was I would never force my infant or toddler or child for that matter to go hug or be held by someone she wasn’t comfortable with so that meant most of my “friends” were never able to hold her. Perhaps she has better taste in friends then I do (*smile*).

So this is what attachment parenting means to me.
No books or even advice were needed. I did what felt normal and natural and everyone else could just kiss my ……

Today my dear daughter is a spicy 3 year old who is weaned (went to 28 months) still sleeps in the family bed and is very affectionate. Not everyone likes her because I give her the freedom to be herself. I do discipline her but gently. She is a screamer/crier. She has to get that out, she has to feel her emotions in a safe a loving way.
So many of my “friends” don’t understand that. My daughter is perfect how she is I will gently guide her to be a helpful, loving, caring human being; which I started doing the minute she was born.

About Jenny
I am 36, a stay at home Mom in Chesapeake VA. My little girl is 3 and will always be an only child by our choice. 


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3 comments:

  1. Great post! Describes me, though I did have some supportive friends. I do have to defend the carseat though. This gets mentioned on every AP thing out there and I've done everything AP except that and I guess sometimes I think I should've tried harder, but at the time it's what worked. our daughter was born right as the first snow fell in December in Indiana. (and I HATE snow) After 2 weeks of not leaving the house after my Home Birth, we ventured out. For weeks and months, every time we took Liliana out of that carseat she would wake up and not be consoled easily. She would get cold and then not be easy to handle while in the store. I was selfish and put her through the sling carrying for a while, until my husband insisted we leave her in the carseat so she wouldn't wake up. Low and behold, she didn't wake up and when she did,we would get her out and put her in the carrier. I used to judge people on the carseat thing and I know a LOT of women would never even consider carrying their children. Heaven forbid! But there are some of us who did it because it was what made the baby happy, not us.

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  2. Kelsey, I do agree with you on the carseat thing. When my last baby was just born, and we had to go somewhere, she was ok to be transfered from carseat to wrap. She would wake up, but be ok. Then, when she was about 2 months old, she could not take being waken up to get out of the carseat, she cried from tiredeness but was unable to go back to sleep, wrap or arms or stroller... So I let her sleep in the carseat, either in the car if I was away for a short time (remember, I'm French, and it is allowed in France to leave a child alone in a car) or I would carry the carseat with me. Now, at 10 months of age, she has a sort of schedule when she takes a nap late morning, so I can arrange my outings accordingly, and if she fall asleep on the way back, I can take her out of it and put her in her bed and she will stay asleep (or fall back asleep instantly).
    There is no way to not have a carseat in France, and waking up a sleeping baby seems cruel... (not that leaving a baby alone in a car seems really alright, but for me it is the less of two evils).

    Jenny, I'm glad you got to experience how babies were raised around you before you had your daughter. You are a smart person to have thought this trough before you were pregnant / during pregnancy.

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  3. I LOVE that your daughter is a screamer and a crier! Mine too. She HAS to get her emotions out that way.

    I could have written this exact same post. Same issues with friends, same lifestyle as you, and same approach to attachment parenting. I like how you think mama! :)

    Thanks for the great read!

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