Google+ Authentic Parenting: Don't Talk To Me About These Topics Three

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Don't Talk To Me About These Topics Three

This post is part of a three piece series, find the second and third part the following weeks.

At seems as if lately, everywhere I am going, people only have three topics when talking to me... And they are all equally irritating.

1. My daughter's hair
2. Me not having a driver's license
3. Schooling

It doesn't matter if these are people I know intimately or vaguely, if I see them often or not, these three topics seem to pop up in just about any conversation I am having! And it seriously pisses me off, because people's attitudes about any of them tend to be very narrow minded and the goal of each of these conversations always turns out that they want to make me (or my daughter) do something, because obviously they know best!
So, you are warned. If you start about one of these topics, I may very well blow one day!

My daughter's hair

Image: pawpaw67
It is very obvious my daughter's hair has never been cut. It looks a little ragged and it's very uneven (like worse then tectonic). Sometimes it even has *gasp* paint in it and we go through days without brushing.
Conversations about the hair can start gently: "Have you cut her hair yet?" Sorry, but I am onto you, obviously I haven't so you're just raising this question to open a conversation to push your thoughts on the topic.
Others will be less gentle and blatantly say it's about time I cut her hair.

I tend to respond to all the questions and the urging about her hair that we'll go if she asks me (or I'll cut it when she does). And she hasn't yet.
Generally people tend to come up with moronic arguments of hair pushing thicker when it's been cut or growing faster etc. These are all fables. Your hair will not grow thicker or longer once cut, it will simply appear so, because it's all the same length.

What bothers me most about the whole thing is that people don't respect that I respect my child and they don't understand, or can't even conceive of the idea that the child may just have a say in her own appearance.
Secondly, I am really ticked off by the fact that her appearance - and that of all little children, especially girls - is such a big deal. She's not even three years old. There is no reason why she would have to get the latest fashion in hairstyles, there is no need for her to look picture perfect. Why on earth should we be forcing small children to be preoccupied with their looks? The world is already tough enough on appearance when you get older, so please, give these kids a break already!

Worst of all (and here they are really pissing me off) sometimes they try to convince my daughter that she should go to the hairdresser by saying her hair doesn't look very good (!!!!) or by subliminal messaging (look, I went to the hairdresser, that was fun).

Find out about the driver's license topic next week.



  1. OMG, the hair! I am CONSTANTLY fielding questions about my 18mo son's hair. It is blond and VERY curly, so it just reaches his shoulders when dry. I can't bear to chop them off, I love his sly looks through his bangs, or the game we play of blowing them off his face. Often, it gets matted in the back and looks unruly, but he is a little boy! Seriously, we have better things to do than fight him to sit still to loose those sweet locks!

  2. LOL...I am laughing because I have that problem too and it peeves me off. My 2 1/2 year old has never had his hair cut. He has been to the hairdressers plenty, with 2 older siblings it's kinda hard not to. Each time we have asked if he would like to have his hair cut and each time he has declined (although he thought about it some on our last visit).

    I have trimmed his hair ever so slightly (which he was happy for me to do), because it is curly and gets very knotty, as does his older sisters hair that is also curly.

    My only reason for suggesting a hair cut is that it does signifcantly reduce the knots and in turn makes hair brushing a much more pleasureable experience....but he will get there in his own good time.

  3. My son used to let me cut his hair, and it was kinda fun that he and my husband would have their hair cut together (both by me). But now he won't let me, so I'm not pushing it. I admit I did try to push it at first, but as my father pointed out, so what if his hair grows down to his knees? It's OK. And so I'll wait until he wants it cut again.

  4. I also haven't touched my daughter's hair yet. It looks pretty as it is, and I don't think I am going to. Until she asks, or it bothers her. But we put it mostly in ponytails for the day!
    I actually would like somebody to ask me something like this! ;-) Nothing as satisfying as raising a few eyebrows... Yes?

  5. I'm having the opposite problem. My little girl's hair grows really quickly and is forever getting in her eyes and bothers her, so I keep it trimmed. I've been told by so many people to let it grow, because she looks like a boy. I don't understand why she should be made to be uncomfortable just so strangers can tell her sex. Stick to your guns!

  6. I purposely don't cut my kids hair until they ask for me to do it and I also get/got a lot of those comments. I feel perfectly peaceful about the decision, though, because while my 4.5 year old has gorgeous hair to her waist, her little friends are all begging their mommies to let them grow their hair out like hers. :-P

  7. I get tired of people commenting about my son's hair too. it was a curly puff-ball for a long time, but he didn't want it cut. Now he likes it shorter like daddy's, but we don't take him until he asks. His hair. His choice. Whew. I might just blow on this topic too. ;-)

  8. Ouch ! I believe I talked about the three topics with you :-)
    But I don't think I suggested to have your daughter's hair cut (as my own daughter's hair has never been cut neither !). And I am grateful I talked about it with you, because I have informed my son that from now on, his hair will be cut on his cue only.

    Kylie, do you use "untangling water" with your son ? (I don't know if it the proper name in English, but you'll get the meaning). I found it helps a lot with my son, whose hair is not long (but not short either) but he has a very sensitive head !

  9. Oh, and I wanted to add, your daughter looks lovely just like she is (especially after a nap, she looks gorgeous !).

  10. My baby hasn't got any/much hair yet but when she does I'll be doing this too: wait until she decides that she wants something done. It's her head after all.

    Can't wait for #2! :p

  11. Yes, Murielle, we discussed 1 and 2 (as I said: everywhere I go!!!). 1 wasn't that big a deal because you weren't pushy about it :)

  12. My apologies if I was pushy with #2 :-(
    I totally know that it is your life and no-one should interfere. You're obviously happy about the way you're living and you have the means to change anything you don't like about it (especially things like #2).

  13. Ugh. My son is only 11 months & I'm already getting the haircut questions. SHUT UP! Thank you.

  14. No prob Murielle... I get it a lot... Kyriarchy, you know. ANyway. You'll read all about it next week ;)
    On a funny side note: I'll get a permit when I arrive in Congo. Apparently there it's something they give you as easily as buying bread. and then I can even drive in Europe (which I probably still won't for numerous reasons)

  15. Thanks Murielle, yes he does use his big sisters untangling hair's that for big baffling words hehehe

  16. My son is 8 and his hair goes to his waist. Yep, it's amazing how many people feel the need to comment about somebody elses head.

  17. haha,this is so cool!my daughters are 3 1/2+5 yrs old+have NEVER had their hair cut!!they don't want it cut,i don't think it needs to be cut so enough said as far as we're concerned!lala get a birdnest at the back every couple of days but so what?thank goodness someone else is like me :)

  18. SagePixie, that's totally awesome! Thumbs up to you and the little boy for being yourselves!

  19. My daughter has never had her hair cut because I see no reason to and she's never expressed a desire to have it cut. Since she was about 2 1/2 I've had people ask if I'm growing her hair. I tell them, "No, it just grows naturally." It's funny how people view actively intervening by cutting it as the passive option and not doing anything as an active option.

  20. I caved in to the pressure to cut my sons hair :( his ringlets were so beautiful. it's still long now but much shorter. good for you for standing your ground.

  21. This is somewhat amusing. It's up to your 2 year old to ask for a haircut. Seriously? No wonder children are growing up overly empowered. Keep it simple, keep it neat, keep it clean until they can care for it. Then, they get to make choices.

    Empowering toddlers. Puhleeze.

  22. My 1 y.o. son is starting to look like Kurt Russell and a haircut is immenent. If left to his own devices I doubt he would: brush his teeth ; wear clothes ; ever come back inside from playing. We are very focused on positive parenting but some of this is going too far. Are parents of children with haircuts now in some way dishonoring their children? Give me a break.


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