"All mammals seek a safe place to give birth. This 'nesting' instinct may be due to an increase in levels of prolactin, which is sometimes referred to as the nesting hormone. At this stage, as you may have observed with your cat, interference with the nest — or more importantly with the feeling of safety — will stall the beginning of labour."
Whenever your child does something that doesn't sit well with you, or frustrates you, or makes you angry, the first reaction would be to sigh, to get angry, to yell, to scold, to do many an emotional thing...
The common denominator in all these actions is that they do nothing to change the situation. All they do is
a) escalate your negative feelings about what's happened
b) make your child feel bad
Instead of responding with frustration and anger, instead of letting these emotions take over and create clashes out of small incidents, get off your but and deal with it.
Your child has spilt something? Clean it up, maybe ask your child to help.
Something's broken? Repair or remove
Your child yells? Let him yell it out and congratulate him for dealing with his emotions.
Your child is upset? Don't get frustrated, help him deal, give him a hug, guide him the way he needs you to guide him at that moment in time.
Cleaning up a broken vase isn't a big effort, cleaning up broken spirits is.
"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them."
There's days that I wonder why on earth I am putting myself through all this trouble of getting articles out there every day, most of which I write myself. There are days - like when stats are low (although I swore to myself I wouldn't watch them anymore) or when you get nasty comments - that you wonder what's the point.
And then you get this one beautiful comment that makes it all worth while. Or - as happened recently - you get this big organization that contacts you and says that they have some products to give away to people who are doing something great, and that they chose you.
That's how I got this magnificent smartphone from Nokia.
Can you imagine me with a smartphone? My last phone I got for 15 euro's in Africa... even the Africans found my phone very sad.
So I have been getting to know the things since early morning and keep wondering that maybe it's too pretty and I should just hang it on the wall and look at it. Even the box it came in was gorgeous. And the wrapping of the phone was a children's pop up book... Doesn't get any cooler than that.
So yes... there is happiness in this part of the blogosphere :-)
PS on more happy bloggy news, I have a guest post up at Raising My Boychick about underwear
Successful parents are often the ones willing to be wrong, willing to apologize and willing to move on. They know that one of the signs of a great leader, and parent, is the ability to regularly step aside and become a great listener and follower.
After publishing "Parenting in Pain", I got this email message from a reader. Given the topic, she preferred to remain anonymous.
I have severe chronic pain from migraines. Uncontrollable. Pain so bad I vomit. Almost all the time. The doctors prescribe me pain killers and such (which I really really don't like taking) that I will use only if I have to. I've trialled almost everything known to man to prevent them without success.
However. There is one thing that helps me. Helps me stay peaceful. Relaxed. Even during the pain. It doesn't mask the pain or numb me out and make me loopy like pills. It just helps me deal with it better and in a calm manner. Marijuana. Not a lot. Just a puff or two. Keeps me from losing my cool with my kids when I am at my limits with pain. Makes the pain "just pain" and not a life consuming, agonizing state of being that I cannot escape. I don't know the laws in most places, but where I am, I have obtained a medical permit to possess and use (grow if I choose). I don't drive on it. I don't make major decisions while under the influence. but I do Breastfeed. I know who grows what I smoke (The little I do smoke). I know there are no chemicals or other drugs added. I don't smoke in the presence of my children. I believe it is less harmful than taking a vicodan. It's a homeopathic herb with pain relieving properties. It works. It's therapeutic.
My OB knows. My Children's Pediatrician knows. My Lactation Consultant knew. They all feel the same way ( Although they could not say that until they were informed it was legal for me to use. ) They all think it's a safe and therapeutic homeopathic medicine.
If you would, repost this without my name, anonymously. I would really like to know what the Mommy community thinks. This is a subject I have NEVER seen on any Mom Blog before. Thank you.
 |
| Aforero on Flickr |
It seems as if people always find something to pick on other people's children. Either they are too shy, or they don't play alone enough, or they aren't social. Or they are too loud - too quiet, they speak too much or say too little.
Shouldn't she be wearing a sweater? Shouldn't she be dressed? Will you really allow her to eat/drink that?
People are constantly gossiping about other people's children - even in front of those children - and they don't even spare the parents their piece of mind.
It's like suddenly all children are common ground.
Yet on the other hand. Those times when your child is being nice *rolls eyes*, when they are behaving in a manner that pleases the general public, then it has nothing whatsoever to do with the way you as a parent raise them. Oh no, in fact, if you dare say your child behaves that way because you let your child be a child, then you'll get an avalanche of objections. Of course not. That has nothing whatsoever to do with it! It's in their character. Maybe it's even because of where you live, but your parental skills certainly can't be responsible for any of that.
 |
| Painting by Artemisia Gentileschi |
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
"Great spirits have always experienced violent opposition from mediocre minds."
 |
| christmasstockimages.com |
 |
| Larry D. Moore, used under a Creative Commons ShareAlike License |
"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these."
While we’ll be freezing our butts off in Belgium, our South-African and Australian friends - among others - are having cocktails in the sun, so while this post might be less relevant to all of you living in the northern hemisphere, I thought it would still be interesting to post it now for all of you Southern hemisphere likeronies (Hi there!).
I often get this question, and it has been something that’s on my mind - and which I read into quite extensively - since we are white folk living in a tropical region: what to do about sunscreen?
 |
| Sun bathing by Pedro Simoes |
"Women who are giving birth, trust yourselves. Trust your inner power. Trust your ability to give life. This is something absolutely sacred that is inside all women in the world. A doctor, nurse, and all midwives in the world are people who are not in the position to teach a woman how to give birth, but to make it easi...er for her to do what she already knows how to do."
Under the motto: why pay for presents if you can get them for free, without any work, from the comfort of your chair, here are some freebies I've gathered from around the web:
 |
| Nina Matthews Photography on Flickr |
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
As my daughter ate a small hotel package of butter this morning, I had to repeat to myself in my head what I read in the "The Paleo Diet" (L. Cordain): You can only eat so much pure butter until you had enough... Maybe this rule doesn't apply to my little girl, must be genetic, her daddy has the same condition.
“It is not how much we do in our lives that is important it is how much love we put into what we do.”
This post is part of a series to help you set up a parental toolbox to gently make your way through the roughest moments.
Ending an activity can pose serious problems for your child. Sometimes, they are simply not on your curfew and seem so immersed in what they are doing that you *know* that ending the activity will result in conflict.
And here is where the biggest problem arises. In *knowing* your child’s reaction to your request of moving to other activities will be negative, you approach your child with dread. The child senses your mixed emotions, your hesitations, and *feels* that what is to come is less fun then what they are doing now. So logically, they will react negatively to your request.
This negative spiral is easily broken if you change your mind about the way you perceive what’s coming next.
Instead of asking your child to ‘stop playing’, see the next activity as continued play, maybe in another location or at a different game. For children, life is play, so if you were to approach the crossover to other activities with the same activities, they will gladly follow.
 |
| kreg.steppe on Flickr |
To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.
We live in a culture of false scarcity, where everything comes within limits, where everything is restricted, where nothing comes for free.
We perpetuate these restrictions to our children, so that they too can grow up in this world where things need to be coveted to be obtained, where you have to behave to get what you want.
You can only have so much fun before it becomes inappropriate. You can only eat so any cookies before you’re a pig. You can only spend so much time drawing before you become single minded. You can only watch this much TV before you’ll end up a vegetable.
Break this cycle of scarcity and start living a life of abundance. Instead of saying ‘NO’ next time around, think ‘why not?’, maybe even say ‘yes’.
Try to live as if everything comes for free, nothing is limited... especially not your imagination.
If you continue this way of thinking, maybe your child will be at the brink of braking the ‘money is more than life’ way of thinking. Maybe you too will liberate yourself from it.
It all starts with reconsidering ‘no’.
“Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.”
Many a parent sighs because his/her child doesn’t share. We hammer it into them at a young age: “You have to share!”; “Give that to your sister, she can play too.”; “Don’t take that from your friend, you have to play together.” These are just a few examples of what you can hear when you are at a play date.
One day I was playing with my daughter, when she suddenly ripped something out of my hands and said: “You have to share”, and just walked away with whatever it was I was holding.
It seemed pretty strange to me that my daughter considered that sharing was giving away hat you were holding.
When I started noticing how other parents around my child handled the ‘sharing’ idea, indeed, that was it.
 |
| Image: ozjimbob on Flickr |
“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.”
If you have a serial creative bub like I do, you’ll quickly find yourself swamped with the finest pieces of art and no more wall space to hang them. So what to do with all this finery? I asked my likeronies and composed this list of cool things to do with your kiddo’s artwork.
 |
| Image: Guano on Flickr |
“The end of an argument or discussion should be, not victory, but enlightenment.”
How often have you heard a friend sigh: "I wish I had more time" or "I am so busy, I don't even have time to breathe.". (It wouldn't have been me sighing, because I am probably the most zenified person you know)
Luckily our children aren't bothered by the stresses of adult life yet... or are they?
Are we overplanning our children's lives already at a young age? Do we stick them on the fast track at age two?
How many parents worry if their child is learning enough? If they're playing with the right educational tools. If they're ensuring the best possible environment to have their child reach their potential. If they're reading the right books to teach empathy, politeness, science, openness to the world... If they are doing enough excilerating activities with the kid... Maybe they should start some group activities? Did we put them in the right schools?
Stressing children that much at such a young age cannot in any way be benificial, not to their health, not to their mental wellbeing, and not even to their 'learning skills', to the benefit of which most of this stress is directed.
I cringe every time I see a children's book that claims to be just the thing to teach your child this or that moral. I feel sick to my stomach at the obligatory 'this child develops your child's gross motor skills and teaches him colors' on every toy.
Children learn from everything. You don't need special tools for that purpose. children's books should be fun, marvellous, not moralistic. Your child will not learn moral judgement by reading a book, he will by observing you.
In putting so much stress on what your child is learning/experiencing/doing, all he'll learn is... drumroll... stress.
Stress in early childhood is responsible for innumerable illnesses and insecurities later in life.
Spare your child the fast track and let him be a child, free and untroubled.
“The master of the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which; he simply pursues his vision of excellence in whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he is always doing both.”
Peaceful Parenting is often misunderstood, because it does not look like any form of discipline most of us grew up with. But what then is peaceful parenting?
To discipline means to teach and what peaceful parenting strives to do is to delocalize this teaching experience from the realm of the parent to that of the child. Thus discipline becomes about learning instead of about teaching, with parents acting as an interpreter and a guide. Peaceful parenting is not about imposing discipline, but about internalizing it, by helping your child deal, understand grasp and handle situations and emotions.
 |
| bfick on Flickr |
" Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world."
~Wayne Dyer via Intentional Parenting
written by Diane Janis
 |
| Image: lowjumpingfrog on Flickr |
"However we treat the child, the child will treat the world."
I read a lot about parenting and related issues. I mean A Lot!
Every once in a while, I get at a point where it seems as if there's nothing new out there, that I've read it all, almost to the point of making me feel rather secure about what I do, maybe a bit smug...
And then all of a sudden I get into a conversation or stumble upon an article that completely turns everything around. That makes me go all 'Eureka' and opens my eyes to something I hadn't seen before.
SO what I just wanted to say is this: you're never done learning, there's always something new to discover, some angle you hadn't taken yet, some knowledge that can be shared through others. It does pay off to keep reading, to keep connected, even when things aregoing swell, even when you're not specifically looking for information.
“If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance that you won't have any.”
I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.
I recently got to thinking about the many different roles we as parents can adapt.
There's the friend, the dictator, the teacher, the guide, the absent, the psychologist...
I sometimes find it easy to think of myself in this fashion: what role am I playing now? Is this what I want to be for my child? Is this how I want her to see me?
If we start considering the different roles we get to play in our child's life, it gets easier to shun those we don't want and priviledge those we like. Most of these behavioral patterns are subconscious. Getting mindful about them allows us to change.
Ask yourself what roles your parents played, how you as a child viewed them. Do they concurr with what you are doing as a parent? How did you feel about your parent's roles? Would you have liked them to be different?
It is in your power to change how your child sees you.
If you're a multilingual family, it's not a big step to raise multilingual children. It's just a matter of who speaks what to whom and staying consistent (which can be quite demanding when you're a minority speaker). If you and your partner are monolingual however, it might seem a lot more difficult. It might seem almost impossible for your child to grow up speaking different languages from a young age.
There are some easy ways to infuse other languages into your child's life.
 |
| Image: AlicePopcorn on Flickr |
