“Few healthy, low-risk mothers require technology-intensive care…Yet…the typical childbirth experience has been transformed into a morass of wires, tubes, machines and medications that leave healthy women immobilized, vulnerable to high levels of surgery and burdened with physical and emotional health concerns…”
It is often said that breastfeeding helps you obtain your prepregnancy weight more quickly. This is not an absolute truth. Some breastfeeding mothers struggle to get back to their normal weight all the same.
For me, I remained the same weight I had after giving birth for twenty months, and then quickly lost the other kilo's. Strangely, that was at the same time my cycle started up.
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| Image: D Sharon Pruitt on Flickr |
Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.
I often read people say that they un-homeschool (yup, I don't hear them say it since I don't have these conversations IRL) , or they homeschool with some 'un', or they 'un' certain subjects. I started wondering if that is even possible.
Isn't the whole point of unschooling to chuck out the concept of curriculi and subjects?
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| Image: katiescrapbooklady on Flickr |
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| Image: Warburg |
History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.
A while back, I took my daughter to the fruit and vegetable market. As usual, the place was buzzing with activity, most of which was generated by mothers carrying small infants on their back.
My daughter was extremely interested in the baby on the back of the girl I buy my fruit from.
It was a tiny baby girls, about two months old, and she was sound asleep, cuddled up to Kadi's back (that's my fruit and veg girl's name).
Little One got all excited and wanted to hold the baby.
"Hold baby, take baby! Take baby home."
We all had a laugh at her wanting to take the baby home, especially because she also wanted to take the next baby she saw home. (Ever since I think she wants to take all babies home)
Why I am writing this is that - next to the fact that it is extremely cute - I wanted to take those babies home. It's with mixed feelings that I admit, that if one of those mothers had said yes, I would have taken the baby home. That secretly, I wish that some unhappy mother comes and leaves her baby on my doorstep.
But I feel guilty for thinking those things. How can I want a baby that bad that I'd take it from someone's arms? How can I stop wanting a baby that bad? How can I stop thinking about it 24/7?
Interdependence is and ought to be as much the ideal of man as self-sufficiency. Man is a social being.
For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use being anything else.
I have been watching the Ascent Of Man the last couple of weeks, which is a 1973 series from the BBC about the history of the evolution of science, commented by Jacob Bronowski. Bronowski was a mathematician, a poet and a historian.
Alongside quite a few intelligent remarks, he says something very interesting in one of the later episodes: One cannot communicate any idea, without passing some judgement on the subject. This is not a direct quote, but it is quite similar to what he said. He was in fact talking about quantum physics at the time, but I think that this statement applies to all things in life.
One cannot have a conversation without weighing the matter at hand. It is simply impossible for a human being. If we were to converse in a neutral manner, we would not be the emotional animal we are. Moreover, everything we see, feel, hear and experience is tainted by our assertion of the matter.
So maybe it's time to stop throwing the judgement arguement back and forth and accept that we are a judging species, and as long as we judge and do not condemn, it isn't all that bad.
As long as we keep conversation open for arguement, and our judgements open for revision, we must be doing a decent job.
Once you start replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
As parents, we all get to deal with comments about our children and the way they are raised. When these comments are negative, they never fail to hurt us. No matter how strong one is as a person, negative remarks about your child's behavior or their upbringing sting. They make us wonder if we are failing as a parent, if maybe what we are doing might not be the best choice after all. Even if we're really secure about our parenting choices, destructive criticism stings.
However, when we get a compliment about our child's behaviour, more often than not, we attribute it to the child itself. We say it's genes or character, that our child is amazing.
Why is it that we don't accept merit and always experience defeat? Why does the negative always outweigh the positive?
Your child being well behaved is as much your merit as it is its own. Accept the compliments, and reject the negativity. It's not even a matter of weighing the positive against the negative.
You are the only one who can judge your parenting. You are the only one who gets to mae the choices and own them.
If you are made to feel insecure by comments, mayne it's time to evaluate your parenting. If you are convinced that you are doing the right thing, ban the negative, if not, work on it.
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| Image: wadem on Flickr |
Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.
I am very pleased to host this giveaway from Natural Pure Essentials, on occasion of their fanpage reaching 200 fans.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
This post was written as a submission for the carnival on bilingualism.
When I was born, my parents - who are both Belgians too - lived in Greece. Later, they moved to Italy, only to move back to Belgium when I was a little over two years old.
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| Image: DMahendra on Flickr |
In our modern day of ultrasounds and advanced medicine, gendering your child often starts before birth. Gender is a very prominent thing in parenting, ableit subconsious, a thing you cannot avoid. The way you dress your child, what type of toys you buy, the activities you organise... Many of these choices are gendered. Now it seems that there are different ways to handle this. Either you can deliberately break the genderisation patterns to any extent, buy the boy a doll and the girl a truck or you can blindly follow the paths made up before you, or even more obiously push the gendering upon your child.
I don't think you can break gendering patterns altogether, neither do I think you should. In my humble opnion, some thing really are a bridge too far, (Like say, putting strappy gold and pink flowery girl shoes on your boy - but that's just me) but you can also go to far out the other way. I think it's important to remember that much of the gendering we do in the early years has to do with our expectations as parents, not with the childs inner world. And no matter what your mindset is about this topic, as they grow older, you should really respect their wishes. Again, it all comes down to a question of respect. If you respect your child, you won't force your desires upon them. If you really respect your child, you'll fullfill his wishes (up to some extent) even if they are somewhat against your expectations.
In having a child, we better say farewell to our expectations alltogether, failed expectations lead to dissapointment and frustration, and sometimes even resentment... Our child is a unique person who should pick his own path. We can still expect our child to grow up to be a good person, but in the end, it is he who has to make the decisions. All we can do is point out the way and guide them if they so desire.
Something that really bothered me is that newborn clothes are already very much gendered. We decided not to find out the sex of our child and had a really hard time finding unisex clothes for a newborn. You can only wonder why. It can only be uncomfortable to put your newborn in a dress, right.
Couple1 I know is very crossgender with their little girl, to the point where they didn't want to buy her a doll and only had farms and trucks (until she got a doll for christmas from her grandma and is now inseperable with it). They did have to revise their attitude towards clothing and toys upon request. To their great dismay, their daughter really likes dolls and ruffled skirts.
And couple2 is going really all out the other way. And this is the main reason why I started this post. I constantly hear the mom saying: "Oh my seven month old is so girlish! Your daughter really already makes girl noises! My son is such a boy, he's so agressif!"
When he was playing with a stroller car at couple1's house, she said: "Well he's always playing with those bikes and cars, how very masculine." Me and Mom1 both pointed out that he pretty much likes playing with the kitchen set too (maybe even more so than with the truck and car - he seemed to just want it when my daughter was on it). Mom2 got rather upset.
Same thing happened the first time Couple2's son came over to play. I told her he really liked playing with my daughters' doll. She seemed annoyed and answered that's because he doesn't get to play with dolls at home. I told her to buy him a doll, to which she responded that that would just be weird and her boy was not to play with dolls.
Made me think... Where does this fear of genderbending come from? Why would we blatantly follow stereotypes. What makes mothers force dolls up their girls and trucks up the little boys? Is it fear? Fear that their boy or girl might turn out different?
My family is somewhat on a middleground. Most days you can see my kid's a girl, but she does wear blue, and pants. And we did conciously buy her a garage... I think genderisation of toys is quite stupid. We just get her what she likes, not what fits her gender. She plays with little cars and rocks and sticks as much as she plays with dolls... No scrap that, she never plays with dolls here because I forgot to bring the one she liked and she's mostly playing outside now.
I don't think it's healthy to only raise our girls as weak gentle creatures, neither do I think boys should be all tough and macho. In my humble opinion, it is important that both parents have a role to play in a family, and that we teach that to both our girls and our boys, for one by giving the right example and also by having them play the part... And what better toy to reenact family life than dolls?
I also think it is important for girls to know they are entitled to their own opinion, that they are as capable as boys are and that they are not 'just a girl'. So why not go out and buy them a toolbox? Or better, a set of cars, let's break the female driver stereotype while we are at it!
I truly believe undermining patriarchy starts at home and we can change society by raising our children right. One child at a time.
How about your family? How do you treat this issue? Is it a conscious thing? Do you think about it much? Please share your thoughts on the subject.
Read on:
A nice blog that discusses the gendering issue: Raising My Boychick
Real boys play with dolls
When you try to formalize or socialize creative activity, the only sure result is commercial constipation. The good ideas are all hammered out in agony by individuals, not spewed out by groups.
I wrote about collective care and social skills in a previous post, but there is so much more I would like to say about these wonderful, magical social skills we are so worried about.
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| Image: DesheBoard on Flickr |
Education is a social process. Education is growth. Education is, not a preparation for life; education is life itself.
When one explains unschooling to people who are not familiar with the concept, most often, one comes across the point where one explains that children learn the most when they are interested in something (the same goes for adults).
A response to this is often
a) how can you find you're interested in something if there's no curriculum to show you the possibilities
b) school opened me up to interests I never knew I have
In effect, these remarks are quite demeaning for the parents of these unschooled kids. I know most often people don't think of them as such, they just don't see any other way, since they were raised in the system, and probably have never challenged themselves to think out of the box. Furthermore you can't expect everyone to be knowledgeable about the mechanics of selfdirected learning. Thus we camnot blame them for these ignorant and even hurtfull remarks, for they do not know any better.
But how then does one acquire interests without schools or curriculi?
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| Image: Mykl Roventine on Flickr |
Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.
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| Image: Axel Bührman on Flickr |
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Welcome to the September Carnival of Natural Parenting: We're all home schoolers
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how their children learn at home as a natural part of their day. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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When I read this month's topic for the Carnival of Natural Parenting, I kind of had a chuckle. If you ask an unschooler what their children learn outside of school, the answer is very simple: everything. My husband and I often joke that our daughter is learning too much and that we might have to put her in school to stunt that learning.
So I wondered if there was any use in me participating in this month's carnival. I found there is, because a lot of parents do struggle with the idea of learning outside of school, so here it is.
Children learn with everything they do, even the silliest, seemingly non-educational things they do add something to their knowledge.
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| Little child playing in a swimming pool. Work by Dutch artist Peter Klashorst. |
Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Many believe that children who did not 'benefit' from some form of collective care in early childhood will miss out on the foundations of socialization.
I firmly believe, however, that collective, age-separated care, such as preschool, daycare or kindergarten often rather stunts the development of socialization skills than to nourish them.
Of course, it would be entirely possible to isolate children who are kept at home, but this is something few parents will seek to do, even if it were only to maintain their own sanity.
Most stay at home parents actively seek out other people, of which some will be children, to converse with and to have their children interact with. They will generally end up with an age-diverse groups and several adults.
Even if a parent would not actively seek this interaction, they would still get out of the house, may it just be for shopping, and meet people.
Thus, these children will learn to socialize with numerous people of all ages and both genders; in small groups at a time and in the comforting presence of a parent.
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| Image: Woodleywonderworks on Flickr |
Let me first draw out the situation for you. My daughther is now 20 months old. She has always been a difficult sleeper and a frequent night nurser. This doesn't really pose a problem, as we are bedsharing, so our awake time during the night is rather limited (except for those odd nights she just wants to nurse and nurse until the early hours). We did have some fertility issues (which I won't discuss here, because I'd be going way off topic), so we pondered on nightweaning. We gave it a couple of tries, but in the end we concluded that a) I am way to lazy to nightwean, b) if she's nursing at night she might need it (ok, maybe not from a nutritional point of view, but at least for comfort, which, to me, is equally important). 
So the mom asks me what to do. Luckily, we're all against controlled crying (ouf!). I tell her about the Jay Gordon method (see below) and try to explain in short. I tell her she should pick the six hours of sleep she prefers. "Oh," she says: "she sleeps six hours straight, that's not the problem." Confused, I ask her what the problem might be, adding that six hours in a row is already tremendous (I would have signed for that at eighet months!!!). She replies:"that's all well, but by now, she's big enough to not need the milk during the night. It's not like she could be hungry."
What is all this fuss about sleeping through the night anyway. We ourselves sometimes get up to pee. And if you're concerned about your own sleep, think about all the night you went out untill the early hours. Were you complaining then? Forget pacifiers, blankies, teddies, just let them go at it at their own pace!
written by Maria
Just as our babies know their own bodies, and their needs for food and breast, they also know the bodily sensations that go with the need to pee and poop, and they can, and usually do, communicate these needs. A baby is very much aware of the pressure associated with full bladder and the rumble tumble of a stinky on the way.*
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| Image: Tostadophoto on Flickr |
In this money driven world, it seems as though every aspect of life is infused with the concept of 'worth' or 'value'. All things in life, material or non-material are measured, weighed and categorized. Some things are worth more than others, some choices are valued higher than the alternative.
This is equally true for our education system
(speaking of Belgium here), some courses are deemed more important than others, some directions one can take are valued more and some directions are clearly labelled as the trash cans of the education system.
Belgian's secondary schooling system is hierarchical - also called the cascade system. Students generally start as high as their 'mental capacities' allow them to, and - depending on their grades - they can cascade downward towards less worthy directions.
We have four categories of schools
General
Technical
Professional
Arts (which is actually part of either technical or professional education, but is generally taught at seperate schools)
So one might start off at General and end up in Technical school or Professional. Most students try to start off in general school, unless they had proven to be really 'dumb' or 'slow' in primary school and then they start of lower. (arts students are most often there by choice, if allowed by their parents).
There is also an internal hierarchy within the different school types. The more mathematical/scientifical or ancient languages are valued higher than the directions with a lot of languages.
I won't go into detail about the different directions and when one can choose those, that would make up an entire book.
Let's state it simply that Math/Science is the most valued directions a student can be in, because they can choose any college or university BaMa they want to be in.
What I am trying to get to - excuse my deviations, is that this system also places value on the students. Those who end up in general studying Math are thought have a brighter future than the ones who study hairdressing in professional. Feelings of superiority and inferiority are created, as are seperations between the 'classes' (as they are put in different physical schools - even on the rare occasion that one school has the four categories, there will be seperate buildings and students will have little or no interactions with other categories). This leads to high degrees of intolerance both ways. General Education students will think the professional ones are ignorant, vice versa, they will think the general students are snobbish/intellectualist.
How can countries claim to be egalitarian, if they separate children into different boxes who are worth more or less from early childhood. (there are also two systems in primary school)? How can we intend the child to choose freely if so much worth is placed in the choice they make (if at all they are able to make a choice themselves)? How can we expect a student who slips down to keep his selfworth intact? Or a student who has to start at the bottom, with no possibility of moving up.
Isn't it unconstitutional to treat children this way from early infancy? All Belgians are legally equal and
Belgian constitution does not separate the classes... Then why does their schooling system?
And then you'll tell me unschooling is madness.