"...it is now apparent that the recidivist male delinquent who was never struck with a belt, board, extension cord, fist, or an equivalent is virtually nonexistent. Even after 10 years, the full impact of this discovery is still difficult to comprehend."
I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again.
Routine physical punishment such as spanking teaches a toddler that might makes right and that it is fine to hit when one is stronger and can get away with it.
Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials.
This post is written as a submission for the All About Parenting Blog Carnival. This month's theme is motherhood. Find the rules for participation here.
You never know how much motherhood will change your life until you hold that tiny newborn in your arms. And even then, it will take a few moments to have the scale and scope of it sink in.
First there is this overwhelming love. A love you never knew you could feel, you never even knew existed. A love that is never-ending, unconditional, infinate, overpowering, transcendental... I can continue to sum up adjectives, but not one can describe how it feels to love your child, it is something you must experience first hand.
It seems a silly thing to say. Surreal maybe. But I can bet there are some mommies out there reading this knodding their heads off.
And then there is the life altering experience of it. It sips in slowly, steadily until one day, you realise it's there. Your life will never be the same.
There will be things you used to do before you became a mother that you'll never have the time for again. There might be things you never considered doing before. You might just find yourself covered in paint and dirt playing hide and seek in the garden and spending an hour trying to catch snails, and suddenly wonder whatever happened to the pre-mommy you.
You will never be carefree again. You'll always wonder how your little one is doing. If you find the luxury to have some private time, some long desired me-time, you will catch yourself thinking about your baby. Maybe you'll even feel a little guilty for indulging yourself. You'll never be alone again, for there will always be someone else to consider.
Becoming a mother puts things in perspective. It sheds a different light on All Things Formerly Known As True. Not only does it alter your lifestyle, it alters your thoughts and perceptions. What you held dearly before seems futile now, and things you found silly before may very well become the summit of your day.
Becoming a mother, it changes all. There might be a few things you will miss, but you'd miss so much more if you didn't.
Image:
"until women complain, and complain loudly, for a long time, in ways that anger people and make them uncomfortable, nothing ever changes."I found a very well written article on Cherish the Child about the safety of baby skin care products.
The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything. Except what is worth knowing. Journalism, conscious of this, and having tradesman-like habits, supplies their demands.
A while back, mommy blogs were being smeared in the NY times. They were painted 'expensive hobbies' for bored suburban mothers. Now, while the term mommy blogs does not offend me as such - I am a mom, I blog - the connotations of it being a futile hobby for white middle class American women does bother me. The idea that all mommy blogs would represent one big pile of crappy internet content also bothers me. There are many many different kinds of 'mommy blogs' out there, each having their own audience and their own style, so don't throw everything on a pile and call it crap. Sure there are rather trivial 'mommy blogs' out there, but who are we to judge? And what is it about crafts or cooking that would make blogs less interesting or relevant? The fact that they are being read, that they have their audience, does that not validate those blogs?
But I'm deviating here.
On the other side you have 'serious journalism'. Yet, nowadays, a lot of that serious journalism takes the form of blogs. Some of them are written by women, of whom some are even mothers... Most of them are even white, middle class and American! Does that make those blogs mommy blogs? Or is the mere fact of getting paid for blogging enough to shed the 'mommy blog' label? Do you have to be associated with a big publishing company to be a serious journalist/blogger?
At least we can be sure of one thing: it is not the content that makes the label.
'Serious Bloggers' sure don't do any more - I might say often even less - research than 'mommy' bloggers. That's being proven over and over by the flood of crappy opinion pieces originating from the 'radical parenting' TV show. I have discussed one of those very crappy pieces of journalism a while ago. Lately, my inbox (I have a google alert set for unschooling) is flooded with those poor quality 'opinionated' pieces of 'journalism', some of them on major publication's websites. They all have two things in common: they are highly judgemental and poorly researched.
Isn't that ironic? I can give you a list of 'mommy blogs' that do real research for their posts. That write scientifically funded articles, yet they are doomed to remain mommy blogs... Moreover, most of the 'mommy blogs' I read are very openminded and not at all judgemental... so maybe that's what sets the difference, the adherance to hegemony.
The sad thing is that those crappy pieces of internet content do matter, they shape minds, they influence opinions. Readers think becaue it is featured on a well renowned platform, it m,ust be solid an believe every closeminded word that is published. So when they say unschooling is crazy and should be illegal, a large part of their readership swallows that, knods and goes about their day. Not only is that sad, it should be illegal ;)
Birth is not only about making babies. It's about making mothers - strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and believe in their inner strength.
Hospitals are only an intermediate state of civilisation.
I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.
We all want our children to grow up to be truthful people, to not tell lies. But how many times do we ourselves lie to our children? How often do we change the truth to obtain something we want, or to avoid a confrontation? Maybe we even make our children lie for us? Or maybe are words are true but our actions are not.
See if you recognize yourself in these examples:
That is the war I have referred to, of man against woman. There is a demand that women should be kept in ignorance of the truth of childbirth and that they should be unquestioningly submissive to the recommendations and demands of the orthodox obstetric profession. They do not know that this submission may expose them to routine interference and physical injury without any clinical indication that can justify such assault upon their bodies.
Some feminists advocate that pain in labour and birth is a thing of the dark ages and should be avoided at all cost. These voices claim it is completely backward for a woman to want anything but a painfree birth.
I beg to differ.
First, feminism is all about choice, not about one group of women oppressing another group, because that would be really backward. But this choice should be an informed one, and not one bestowed upon women through societal indoctrination.
Secondly, and now we are hitting the core: Epidurals were invented by men to numb pains they did not and will not ever understand, for they can never experience anything than comes close to it (No, the australian guy having his abdominal muscles electrically stimulated does not count and does not come anywhere near the experience a women has in childbirth). Frankly, epidurals are just another way to have women take it lying down and shutting them up in the process.
Feminism should be all about embracing femininity. Reclaiming birth would be a huge step for feminism. Childbirth is probably the most prominent, important, empowering, life-altering, transcending aspect of femininity.
Why then would we have anything or anyone meddle with that experience. Why would we allow ourselves to be drugged and manhandled? Why would we be numb to the most amazing sensations of life? An informed women should not willingly have this taken away from her, and with it all the beauty and the love and the high of the hormones that come with it.
So my dear fellow feminist, instead of going for the oppressive illusion of painfree birth, inform and prepare yourself and shed the victorian / highly mediatised view of fear and pain and terror in childbirth. You and you alone are in control of your emotions at the time of birth, so let fear and pain not be part of them.
Not convinced, consider this:
Having sex can hurt a little, there can be some unwanted friction before the vulva is sufficiently lubrified. If one is fearfull, like for for instance when it is her first time, it can be even more uncomfortable. Would you therefor trade the pleasantness and the orgasm for a quick shot that would make it all pain- (and therefor also pleasure-)free? I think not.
Childbirth is quite similar, except all these feelings are magnified. There is a bit more pain, which I'd rather call discomfort, but there's also the burst of love and pleasure that's larger than life. Don't let anyone steal that away from you. Don't be tricked into believing it's in your own advantage.
No matter how you turn it, an epidural is - in most cases - an unnescessary medical intervention. And one leads to another...
I don't know what 'moss' stands for in the proverb, but if it stood for useful knowledge... I gathered more moss by rolling than I did at school.
Most people never think about this when they wonder about unschooling, but every child has been unschooled to some extent for at least a part of its life.
From birth to the first schooling experience, all children spend the phase of their lives in which they learn the most outside the confinement of the classroom, away from the teachers eye. Often without any externally applied force, course or direction, even in the most conventional families. Yet this is a time where children learn to walk, talk, eat, use the toilet... in short everything that lays the path upon which they will walk for the rest of their mortal lives.
If these tremendous steps come so natural and without guidance to every child on our planet, is it then so hard to imagine they can learn all other skills they might possibly need in life in the same manner?
Through the wonderful carnivals this week, I've discovered a lot of nice blogs: Earth Mama, The Man-Nurse Diaries and The Feminist Breeder are certainly worth a visit, if you don't know them yet.
Selecting the articles for this week's surf was kind of difficult with all this carnival activity going on. More so because I think I've spent more time reading blogs this week than writing my own (I had a lot of autoposting going on). So there were lots and lots of really good articles to choose from.
Bring Birth Home is rapidly becoming one of my favorite spots to hang around, I loved this week's post about unassisted homebirth. It is something I would like to read about more in the near future.
Reality Rounds writes about the misogyny of religion when it comes to childbirth.
I can also recommend EverydayRebel's post about Facebook status updates if you want a good laugh. I must admit I recognise myself a bit too much in that post. Another fun one on The Leaky Boob talks about children as miniature breastfeeding advocates.
On the topic of breastfeeding, I read an insightful article on related traditions and beliefs in Haiti.
If you have read or written something spectacular this week, feel free to add it to the Mr. Linky. (Don't mind the green thumb Sunday, I couldn't make one for Sunday Surf, since I had not acquired Silver status).
My grandmother wanted me to have an education, so she kept me out of school.
I finally finished The Unschooling Handbook. Finally, not because it's a slow read, rather because I hardly make time to read, being busy with well, the internet most of the time, and some parenting aside *wink* and then some (read hundreds) little projects on the side. So I thought I should share this with you.
I will be reviewing the books I read as I go along, you can find what is awaiting my attention in the bottom of the left column.
A comprehensive guide to unschooling essentials
The Unschooling Handbook is a light and rather fun read. The author's words are interlaced with exerpts from interviews with unschoolers and their parents. These real life testimonies are often fun to read, and add to the lightness of this book.
For the novice unschooler, or anybody just diving into the idea of unschooling, this book might be just what you are looking for. It takles the most important questions one has about unschooling and offers huge amounts of varied ressources for further reading and for connecting with fellow unschoolers. If you are already familiar to unschooling and have read a lot about it before, it might not give you any new insights. Yet you could make use of the lists of ressources and the interviews are quite fun.
For me personally, the book took away any remaining doubts - if any - I had about unschooling and was very reassuring, to say the least.
Quote from the book:
Unschoolers are a different breed from those who have had more conventional education and way of life. There is this aura that surrounds us, and most people are very jeaalous of it. We are confident and self-assured even when we are nervous. We have a much better handle on who we are and who we want to become than most people have.
It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.
The winner for my 100th post giveaway (drawn using random.org) is *drum roll*
Jana from astitchinlime (comment number 6)
Jana will be receiving a beige handknitted diaper cover.
Congratulations, Jana!
There is more difference within the sexes than between them.
Apparently there is this TV show on parenting that's been stirring the pot quite a lot recently (must be, because even I, far far away under my palm trees, have heard about it). This show supposedly depicts 'radical' forms of parenting, among which: elimination communication, attachment parenting, homeschooling and radical unschooling.
As I subscribed to google alerts on unschooling, I got a link in my inbox to an opinion piece inspired by this show. You can find it here, but I must warn against it if you don't want to get worked up.
In a way that shows a lack of research and frankly, general intelligence she throws all these parenting types on one big pile and trashes them, based solely on the viewing of this tv show.
Now there are many things wrong with the way she approaches this, and I could go on and on about how media pick and light subjects so that they shock and thrill their audience, or how she should research her topic before writing anything, but let's keep that for another time, because otherwise this post will become endless.
What I wanted to talk about today is people's eagerness to trash views that are different from their own, and more specifically parenting ways. Throughout my time as an alternative parent I have discovered some generalities in this bashing I would like to discuss here.
The piling of very different parenting choices into one big group
Cloth diapering, elimination communication, homebirth, freebirth, placenta eating and planting, homeshooling, unschooling, radical unschooling, attachment parenting, breastfeeding, cosleeping, bedsharing, babywearing... they are all thrown on one big pile of parents who do 'those weird crazies'. Yet if you just take one second and have a closer look, you can see that even within this so-called craziness, there are choices to be made. Some of these 'radical' choices can in fact not coincide.
'Radical Parenting' isn't the big homogenous group it is made out to be. They are in fact extremely heterogenous, and seem to come from about every religion or non-religion, every social layer, every culture or origin. And even within their 'strange parenting ways' they differ: two homeschooling families will not be the same. It is not a big cult as it is being portrayed by some (sadly, because wouldn't that be nice :) LOL).
'Radical' Parents as superior and the guilt arguement
Being accused of feeling superior to others is something breastfeeders, unschoolers, attachment parents and the like get confronted with almost on a daily basis. Not one study of the benefits of breastfeeding or the detriment of spanking foregoes the comment that we should stop making people feel guilty.
Where does the guilt and superiority arguement come form, save from them feeling attacked, inferior and guilty?
As Uncommon Momsense nicely describes it in this wonderful post
No one could ever make me feel bad for breastfeeding, and for as long as I will. No one can make me feel less than because I co-sleep with my babies. No one can make me feel inferior that I am a stay at home mom. Why? Because I know with all of my heart and soul, that when it comes to my babies, I have done my homework, I have listened to my heart, and I am absolutely making the best most selfless decisions for my babies.And:
If you are unsure of your decisions, start doing more research, it is never too late to do better. But if you don't want to, don't blame it on me. And don't blame it on any mother who happens to be confident and say so.You can only feel bad about your choices if you are insecure about them, if you think that by having made those choices you really are doing something wrong.
New parents quickly learn that raising children is a kind of desperate improvisation.
Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting advice!
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we're writing letters to ask our readers for help with a current parenting issue. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by the end of the day April 13 with all the carnival links.)
Biology is the least of what makes a woman.
On Sundays, I will now be posting the most remarkable posts I came across during the preceding week while surfing the blogosphere.
In Two Kinds Of Society, Corneilius writes about detached and attached societies, detached not only vis-a-vis children, but detached or attached in a more general sense, as to their relationship to nature, other people and innate human capacities.
This post is participating in the Body Image Carnival being hosted by Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and MamanADroit who will be posting articles on themes pertaining to body image all week! Make sure you check out their blogs everyday between April 12-18 for links to other participants' posts as well as product reviews, a giveaway, and some links to research, information and resources pertaining to body image.
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I am beautiful as I am. I am the shape that was gifted. My breasts are no longer perky and upright like when I was a teenager. My hips are wider than that of a fashion model. For this I am glad, for these are signs of a life lived.
When it comes to technical explantions, the word because is just fine. When it comes to parenting however, one should refrain from using it as much as possible.
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Ideas can be life-changing. Sometimes all you need to open the door is just one more good idea.
This post is written as a submission to the Enjoy Life Unschooling Blog Carnival. This carnival is hosted monthly (soon twice monthly) at Enjoy Life Unschooling. This months theme is "To Open".
Unschooling has certainly opened up a land of opportunity for my entire family. Imagine the freedom a family gains when they are not bound by school schedules, homework deadlines. When there are no ties to school holidays and there is no dropping off and picking up and days regulated by a loud and obnoxious bell.
School used to be a great worry our family had. We became expats so I would be able to stay with the kids, but by becoming expats, we had created a totally different set of problems when it comes to our kids education. Why?
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| Image courtesy of The Unnamed on Flickr |
If we are to heal the world, we must begin by healing birthing.
Long before I gave birth, before I got pregnant, and even before I met my husband, I knew I was not going to birth on my back. No. Way. In the same way I knew I was going to breastfeed and I was not going to birth in a hospital. I had always been fascinated with birth and had read up about it, even in my early teens.
Yet, due to the course my life had taken, I did end up birthing in a hospital. I thought it was a small concession to make our lives a little easier. Moreover, when we got the tour of the maternity ward and delivery rooms, the midwife assured us that you could choose your birthing position and that aids to birth in a position other than lying down were provided (like a birthing chair). So I felt confident my birthing in the hospital would not stand in the way of my wish for a natural birth.
This is my 100th post already! So I thought that was a great cause for celebration, and what better way to celebrate than with a giveaway? Luckily, Susan Betke was kind enough to donate a beautiful knitted diaper cover. The winner gets to pick one of these wonderfull covers. Susan has a blog titled The Life And Times Of Susan B.
Diaper backwards spells repaid. Think about it.
Well pleaseth me the sweet time of Easter
That maketh the leaf and the flower come out.
- Betran de Born
Happy Easter!
I hope you are feasting on those chocolate eggs, sugary chicks and marshmallow bunnies. Maybe you've organised an egg hunt and have a flock of little ones running around your garden carrying wicker baskets. Or you might have spent the last couple of weeks making and decorating an easter tree. Maybe you told your kids the easter bunny has hidden those eggs in your garden, or maybe you said it was the bells that came from Rome.
But have you ever stopped to think where all this easter madness comes from?
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| Easter eggs // Ostereier '''Photographer''': Lotus Head |
In the final analysis it is not what you do for your children but what you have thaught them to do for themselves that will make them succesfull human beings.
There's quite the paradox in the way children are cared for handled in Western society.
On the one hand, babies just can't be autonomous enough and have to be squeezed and pushed to become individuals right away (if possible the day the are born).
An entire set of training practices exist to ensure the autonomy and individualism of newborns.
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| Courtesy of memekode on Flickr |
Doctors give drugs of which they know little, into bodies, of which they know less, for diseases of which they know nothing at all.
Tinea Pedis or athlete's foot is a fungal infection that affects mostly men. It can also appear on the hands. Affected areas can be: between the toes, the soles of the feet and toenails.
Athletes foot fungus is very contageous and can develop rapidly in areas where dead skin is shed. If you have caught Tinea Pedis, you should rid yourself of infected shoes, for the fungus can run rampant in closed shoes (like tennis shoes).
Athlete's foot can be cured easily with every day products and essential oils:
Do not confine your children to your own learning, for they were born in another time.
By Jessica Martin-Weber
