Google+ Authentic Parenting: Peaceful Parenting Toolbox: #2: Deal With It

Friday, December 31, 2010

Peaceful Parenting Toolbox: #2: Deal With It

Whenever your child does something that doesn't sit well with you, or frustrates you, or makes you angry, the first reaction would be to sigh, to get angry, to yell, to scold, to do many an emotional thing...

The common denominator in all these actions is that they do nothing to change the situation. All they do is
a) escalate your negative feelings about what's happened
b) make your child feel bad

Instead of responding with frustration and anger, instead of letting these emotions take over and create clashes out of small incidents, get off your but and deal with it.
Your child has spilt something? Clean it up, maybe ask your child to help.
Something's broken? Repair or remove
Your child yells? Let him yell it out and congratulate him for dealing with his emotions.
Your child is upset? Don't get frustrated, help him deal, give him a hug, guide him the way he needs you to guide him at that moment in time.

Cleaning up a broken vase isn't a big effort, cleaning up broken spirits is.


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10 comments:

  1. REALLY? Please proof read and spell check. Your obvious emotional frustration concerning this matter has impaired you. Hypocrisy!

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  2. anonymous,have the guts to publish under your name if you're going to be offensive!if you don't like what you read,instead of being rude,offer your obviously superior opinion on the matter.otherwise,don't read it,it's simple!
    AP,another post i completely agree with,keep it up!

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  3. *sigh* there's always one... anonymous, i cant see how she is being hypocritical. Give it a rest.

    Great post, mamapoekie xx

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  4. A nice piece - one for the fridge methinks! It is hard to be that calm person sometimes, but for me, reading this sort of stuff keeps me motivated to at least try. No, I will never be a perfect calm Zen mum all the time. But I would rather try and manage it at least some of the time! I think we all have the capacity to respond as the adult and as the child. It takes effort sometimes to stay grounded and be the adult when our children's emotions trigger the child in us. Rather acknowledge this struggle and be compassionate to our own inner child and our actual children!

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  5. Thanks all!

    Olivia, I completely agree... Very few of us can remain a Zen parent all the time, but acknowledging your faults and learning to deal with your triggers is already a huge step in the right direction.

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  6. So first off, whats funny is that my 5mo son's name is zen, though... i am not.
    My question is this- how do you guide your child thru their angry or other negative emotion without letting them walk all over you? my 3yo dd had a melt-down this morning and my hubby, who doesn't read as much as i do, smacked her butt and told her to chill out. i told him NEVER to hit any child of mine (he was very remorseful, he hates being the kind of parent he grew up around) i tried to tell him about respecting her emotions and helping her deal with them but the problem is, how do we do that?

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  7. Ballerina, I think a lot depends on how the child reacts when they're upset. Some children like cuddles, while others respond badly to physical touching. You have to try and sense what it is that would make it better for your child, and if there is nothing that can make their situation better, give them the time to deal with it on their own. Try talking to them softly, diverting their attention, sing, whisper... everything depends on the situation.
    Sometimes children get aggressive towards the person they love the most, that isn't because they're angry at you, it's just the way they externalize their emotions. Tell them that they are hurting you and get out of the way

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  8. Have never posted a comment before but wanted to take the time to acknowledge your contributions to how I choose to parent. Thank you mamapoekie, I value your time, efforts and posts!!
    Leah

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  9. Thank you very much for commenting Leah! It is dearly appreciated

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