Google+ Authentic Parenting: How To Deal With Infertility During The Holidays

Thursday, December 23, 2010

How To Deal With Infertility During The Holidays

Written by Carina Freeman
Tis the season, it's time for family gatherings, neighborhood parties, and work place get-togethers. Going to the shopping mall to grab a gift just to realize the malls are filled with little kids waiting for a picture with Santa Clause. Seeing your siblings and cousins with their children can remind you of what you don't have. This time of the year can also remind us that our family building has not gone the way we imagined. So what do you do when family members' fire questions your way that you're not ready to answer. Like, "Why haven't you had kids?" or"Why don't you have another?"

Coping with infertility is extremely difficult, and you'll be lucky if you have any friends and family that really understand. For the most part, I don't think anyone means to hurt our feelings, but they simply don't know what it's like. They may want to support us, but not know how.

Remember, it's ok to feel sad. Maybe you need to leave early, or come late to the function, then do that. If you need to hide in the bathroom and cry, or to avoid holding a baby, don't feel like it makes you into a bad person. All it means is that you're human, with real feelings -- feelings that just about every couple who has gone through infertility understands. On the other hand if you want to hold every baby at the holiday function, I'm sure the parents wouldn't mind. Someone told me they keep a glass of wine in their hand during a function, It tends to stop people from asking "why don't you have kids" as well as they don't need to come up with an excuse like "I have a cold" to keep the babies away.

Some of us feel sad or even depressed that we are childless. Express those feelings. Remember it's ok, you are a woman with real feelings. Faking feelings will, in the end, merit feelings of low self-worth, a sense of phoniness, and outright isolation at times. If we can't own what's bothering us, it will not simply go away on its own.

A few things you can do, get a massage — yes, you deserve it! You're in the sisterhood of us who have gone through infertility. Try aroma therapy. Go to a bookstore and purchase a beautiful journal. Write, color, draw, cry into it. Consider it a mental spa between two covers. Open up to someone, start with one person. Tell them what it is like for you to be infertile during a season when you might feel obligated to be happy.

Larry D. Moore, used under a Creative Commons ShareAlike License
EAT- Chocolate (in moderation of course). Eat lean protein; it is helpful for many patients affected by infertility, especially patients with PCOS. Try new sources of protein like some of the new preparations of seasoned nuts (a palm-ful only per day or per your health provider's recommendation), hummus or even give tofu a try.

Be prepared with answers. The why you don't have kids (or why you haven't had another) are bound to come up. Put YOU first. Your mind and body health are of the utmost importance. Have a very happy and safe holiday season.

About Carina

I am a certified wellness fertility coach.
I am there for every aspect of a woman/couples infertility journey. If advice is needed, I give advice so they can become clear and centered in every aspect of their life...not just their fertility. I give suggestions about their next treatment so the couple can feel confident about what is ahead. I give positive encouragement when they are feeling down, or if they just someone to talk to who understands. My primary job is making sure they are ready for a baby mind and body...specializing on the mind and helping them "create" the life they deserve.



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