I have a rhumatoïd condition that causes joint pain and lower back ache. This sometimes makes it impossible for me to walk, let alone carry my daughter, especially because now - with her 13 kg - she’s gotten quite heavy.
Yet ever since we had that medical scare a while back, my daughter is inseparable from me, doesn’t want to walk and doesn’t even want to go on my back.
She has to be carried in my arms, or else... A big ginormous tantrum arises.
Yes. My previously tantrum free daughter has grown intro the tantrum hurricane whenever she’s around me ever since the medical scare. Add to that that we’ve had the emergency trip to Belgium (for medical testing) and that we have found out recently that we’ll be moving to another country, and you get one very emotionally destabilized, tantrum prone sweetheart.
She does sense our stress. She is scared all the time (could she be thinking I’m dying because the chickens all got ill and eventually died). She is insecure and feels her foundations trembling.
|Image: The Alieness Gisela Giardino On Flickr|
But what I wanted to write about is how to remain an Authentic parent when it hurts?
How to stay gentle when you just can’t fulfill their requests? How not to get sucked into the emotion of a tantrum when she’s coping with my umprecedented - yet recurring - no?
We already had to result to the pushchair, because of her refusal to go on my back (which I would sometimes be able to bare).
And when she’s tantruming because of my refusal to carry her - which she must sense is aginst what I would want to do - how do I refrain from falling apart and crying too.
How do I stop myself from getting angry in frustration, since she’s only tantruming with me?
Basically, how can you be in pain and yet remain attuned to your child? Tend to another while you ache to be tended to yourself.
My husband says I manage it very well, that I am an image of calm and gentle parenting. But I feel like I am lacking. I hate that my body lets me down in so many ways. I hate that my body refuses service when I just want to tend to my daughter.