Google+ Authentic Parenting: Routine Nose Removal

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Routine Nose Removal

All arguments are in favor of routine nose removal. Routine nose removal prevents:

  • nose bleeds
  • broken noses
  • congested noses, especially in the small child, this can be a serious pain in the nose, because they are unable to clean or blow their noses
  • having to remove foreign objects from the nose
  • itching and irritations of the nose
  • nose-picking
  • pimples and blemishes on the nose
  • unhappiness and depression due to an ugly nose, and subsequent rhinoplasty
  • nasal tumors
  • nasal infections
  • skin cancer in the nose area
  • some say it might even prevent air born bacteria to enter the system 

Thus, nose removal should be encouraged as soon as possible, preferably in the newborn. This should be a global effort and doctor's everywhere are incited to remove as many noses as possible.
What is a nose after all? It's just an ugly flab of skin and bones with not much use, we're better off without it.

True, this might seem unsightly at first, but I am sure we can come up with artificial noses. These would not only be an major economic incentive, but would also allow the client... uh, patient to choose his/her own nose (based on budget of course, the poor ones will sadly be stuck with the ugly, non-diamond encrusted noses). And patients wouldn't be limited to owning one nose, they could own many, a nose for every occasion, there could be themed noses geared towards the holidays and such, see the interest there?
And while it might be odd and unsightly, a few generations of nose removal will erase this problem. People who had the misfortune of not having had their nose removed might even become outcasts.

Nose removal is the medical intervention of the future, after all, this is what cutting edge science is all about, curing a disease before it even occurs, or without it even existing.



  1. Love the analogy to circumcision!

  2. Excellent suggestion, but "nose removal" sounds so prosaic to refer to the medical procedure of rhinotomy/nasexcision. Of course at first there will be earnest debates about the important decision parents have to make about whether to have their babies nasexcised, but once it's customary, un-nasexised children will have to bear taunts of "horse-muzzle" and "doggie-nose" and any man who is un-nasexcised will be regarded as "Eeew, gross!" until all but a few crunchy-granola parents do it, because "A child should look like its parents".

  3. LOL Hugh... It's always the granola parents doing the weird stuff!

  4. Excellent analogy. A friend lost part of his nose in a tragic fire accident. He figured his sons would want to look like him in this way, lest they be uncomfortable 'looking different.' Oddly enough, the doctors wouldn't let him amputate the tips of his infants' noses...

  5. Thanks for the comment... made me grin

  6. Funny you should mention nose-picking - I've heard rumors that some extremist doctors actually began removing noses merely to curb the pleasurable behavior of many a nose-picking child. They later listed all of those other reasons above as justifications for widespread nose removal. But people will probably forget that small fact . . .


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