The last couple of weeks, three quarters of the conversations I've had start off with a lie. (I say three quarters, because the one quarter that's left is approximately the amount of conversation I have with my husband and close friends.)
It all starts when people ask me how I'm doing and I say I'm fine.
Why on earth would I say I am fine, when I am so clearly not? Excluding the days I spend in denial, I am feeling crushed, insecure, profoundly unhappy, lonely... Partly because of our situation not living up to my desires, part due to inconclusive test results I got back after my last medical check-up and the fact that I'm still not pregnant and now have to postpone even to try, and then there was this whole getting rid of a staff member and robbery situation. Yet still I smile and say I'm fine.
|Image: Jaci Berkopec on Flickr|
Why do we ask people how they're doing if we so clearly don't want to know the truth?
Why do we say we're fine when we're not? Is it to not break social convention? Not to annoy people? Because we consider their feelings?
Then why would we care so much of the feelings of a total stranger that we find it more wise to dismiss our own feelings?
If it is because we don't want to share our deepest concerns, then why do we engage in conversation at all?
When we do break convention and say we are not fine, maybe even explain why, then people are left baffled. If they are unwilling to know the truth, then why do they bother to ask at all?