Google+ Authentic Parenting: Authentic Parents, Authentic Partners?

Monday, August 30, 2010

Authentic Parents, Authentic Partners?

Authentic Parenting isn't just about parenting - as you might have noticed if you are a regular reader - it is also about soulsearching, personal betterment, sustainable living, and much more. More than a parenting style, it is a way of life. But one factor I seem to have neglected is partnership.
Most of us are indeed raising our children in some form of partnership, wether it be married or unmarried, same sex or mixed sex... Is the fact that I have given little attention to partnership and relationship an indication of something fundamental?
Do we spend as much time on our relationship as we do on our parenting? On ourselves?
If you don't want to give your relationship any consideration for your partner, or for yourself, you should consider doing it for the benefit of your child. The relationship we have with our significant other is a strong influence on our child's life.
The way his parents treat each other is the closest look any child can get into personal relationship, and will taint every close relationship he enters with another human being.*

Comic: Geek And Poke
So ask yourself: are you being as authentic in your relationship as you are in parenting? Do you spend as much time resolvinig conflict? Do you approach your partner with the same respect and consideration?

If I am competely honest here, I have to admit that, whereas I do spend enormous amounts of energy in being an authentic parent, in creating the most loving and nurturing envrionment for my child, I do not when it comes to my husband.
I yell, I get angry, I get frustrated, I even call him names. I feel guilty about it and I know I should work at it, but I keep putting it off, finding excuses. I trick myself into thinking I haven't the time or energy to work at my relationship, or I tell myself it should come from my husband's side...
I know I am simply reenacting my parents dysfunctional relationship. I recognise the mechanics of what I do to my husband as those my father used on my mom - albeit in a slightly less evil manner.

'Working' on your relationship shouldn't be work at all, it is just a matter of tuning in. Tuning into yourself and your partner's feelings. Allowing yourself to feel the emotions, but finding creative solutions to frustrations and anger.

*Are You Programmed At Birth? by Bruce H. Lipton on Heal Your Life



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5 comments:

  1. I am pleased to say that yes, we do take care of each other and listen and respect one another as people, and we show the same respect to our children. We do sometimes get frustrated and have moments of impatience, with ourselves or with the children, but our desire to preserve the relationship and our good sense prevails, and we work it out. We know enough to give each other space or give each other more nurturing company, and we know when one or the other of us needs help with the kids.

    It's probably one of the positive side effects of having had a seriously ill child--you just learn that, even with all the stress, you have to find ways to keep it together because the strain of a bad relationship is harmful to everyone's health.

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  2. Considering how children emulate what they see, especially in parental behavior, our partnerships are definitely important. I can relate to needing to make the time to reflect on my marriage as well. Having an authentic relationship takes work too.

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  3. Logical Mommy, that's wonderful that you and your husband are so in tune.
    Since my husband spends very little time with our daughter and I, he however does not read my signals when I need to blow off some steam. But hopefully that's something we'll be changing soon

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  4. I think for me, it's the other way around. I have such a great marriage and respectful partnership with my husband and now I'm learning to extend that respect and concern to my children. Interesting. I guess in whichever direction we start, we end up the same place. Something the couple who taught us NFP told us that I always try to remember, "Making love begins at the breakfast table in front of the children." Meaning, of course, that loving your spouse is something you do all day in the way you treat one another, are helpful to one another, etc, and it's really important for the children to see that.

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  5. I find it easier to be authentic with my spouse, I think because I chose him because we connected easily.
    With my boys, I didn't get to chose their personalities. They are all great, but I connect with some easier then others.

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