Google+ Authentic Parenting: A Story Of Loss, Part II

Saturday, July 24, 2010

A Story Of Loss, Part II

Written by Elizabeth Walker

This post was written for inclusion in the Pregnancy Loss Week Blog Carnival . Please join us at Fertility Flower for the week of August 23-27, 2010 where we will be featuring articles, posts and artwork about pregnancy loss.

A while back, Elizabeth shared her experience of miscarriage with us, here's what she writes about the aftermath. I would like to thank Elizabeth for putting her heart in words, and sharing her experience with us.

It's now been exactly a week. I've visited the OBGYN's office. That was really reassuring. The doctor commented on how fast my hormone levels were going back to a "normal" pre-pregnancy level. This meant I didn't need a D&C. I was relieved. She commented that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to have prevented me losing the baby.

I still have my moments. I've snapped at my poor husband more than once. I even got around to telling him that maybe he was at fault for using some glue that could cause birth defects. I know it isn't. I don't know why I said that...it just came out. I feel horrible.

Sometimes I feel fine. That makes me feel bad too though. I feel guilty for doing ok with it. I feel like I should be worse still. I have my reasons for having to move on. I HAVE to. I have 2 little girls that I have to be there for. I have to work. I don't have a choice right now. Sometimes I feel guilty for just wanting to be pregnant again! I've told my husband that I want twins next time to make up for this baby. I feel guilty about that too. The guilt is the killer for me. It comes and goes. She says NIP becomes easier with every child she has. She lives in Michigan.

My hormones are still trying to go back to normal. I think my body still thinks it's pregnant sometimes. The other day, my chest starting hurting. I don't understand why they'd start hurting now. I had a few hours the other night where I was dizzy for no reason. I have no idea why...I wasn't standing up and down fast; I was sitting, doing laundry. When I'd called my grandma, she suggested I might need to take some iron.

I'm thankful for my friends and family that are there for me during this. I'm thankful my body isn't giving me too many problems. I think to get through this I just have to be thankful for what I DO have. I'm still scared to try again, but I'm anxious to have another baby. I've held another baby in the last week. I miss that. I hate that I won't have that when I was scheduled to. I ache for the baby. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's easy.

Elizabeth has been married for seven years and has two beautiful little girls. She is an aspiring SAHM and a proud lactavist, and finds NIP easier with every child she has. She would like more children some day and lives in Michigan.


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1 comment:

  1. Hello again. I'm mailing off your package today so I thought I'd check in on you. Your experience, and the aftermath, sounds so similar to mine. All of your feelings are, of course, ok and normal. So is the desire to "make up for" your loss. I think God really likes doing that for people.
    I hope every day finds you feeling better. Look out for your goodies! :)
    -Tabitha

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