Google+ Authentic Parenting: Unconditional Love

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Unconditional Love

I had started a little art project this weekend. It had been over a year since I have really done something creative, besides the sewing I had to do. I did a bit of collage and it took me three days, a bit here, some cutting and pasting there. Monday morning, I got busy with the finishing touches and found my daughter hovering around like a hawk around prey. She wanted to cut too. I told her I would finish and then we would do some cutting together.
This was much to her dislike.
A few minutes later I had to go into another room to check something out and by the time I returned, the Monster had taken my project and torn it up.
I gasped. I said nothing.
Lots of things went through my mind. I saw the project was irreparable. I didn't feel like starting over. I felt sad, frustrated, dissapointed.

Even though I had said no word, the Monster started crying. She knew whet she had done upset me. She had done it only out of frustration and anger that I wasn't immediately available when she needed me.

I held her and nursed her until she stopped crying. I told her I wasn't angry, just sad. That it hurt my feeling that she had torn up my project, but that didn't change my feelings for her. I still love her dearly.

Now I could have gotten mad at her, spanked her, given her a time out, screamed at her, whatever. I did no such thing. What's the use? My collage was ruined anyway and I could tell from the look she gave me she knew that what she had done was wrong.

A little bit of vandalism does not take away a mother's love.



  1. that's sweet. no, there's no reason to be upset with her. you handled it perfectly

  2. I will make you one one day (hoping that there will come a day that she like sleeps three hours in a row or something)

  3. Sigh... I wish I could parent as well and peacefully as you. In my life, it is more like :
    I see my Nina (almost 2 yo) has done something wrong, and her feelings for having done wrong are hurt. She starts crying (high decibels) and I start to hold her and talk to her, while trying to keep her a little more quiet. Then my newborn Sophie wakes up, because of the noise her sister is making. She starts crying too, so I have to live Nina to get Sophie. Nina, feeling left out (and rightly !) clings to me, still crying. I reach for Sophie, take her in my arms, so she is somewhat comforted and stops crying. Nina wants in my arms too, which is not possible, and I explain that to her, fondling her hair and kissing her head. She doesn't like the answer and starts producing a high pitch crying noise that sets her little sister to cry again. Then Elias (almost 5) comes a-running to see what is causing all this rucus, barefoot as usual, steps onto a toy forgotten on the floor and start crying because he has hurt his foot. Then, the phone rings and I loose it...

  4. aw! what an inspiring mother you are :) ill have to keep this in mind if something similar happens to me

  5. Please help me get my hubby to realise this same concept!!
    I'm trying to gently parent and it's starting to work on our misunderstood monster angel.

    He thinks I'm letting her get away with it all. I ask him "what is the point of punishing her?"

    Every time I get somewhere with it he'll see her doing something and start yelling and smacking or give a time out.
    He just doesn't understand the concept and nothing I say will make him understand :(

    Then I'm all the way back at the start with her :(

  6. Am I the only one who is baffled by the fact that you called your daughter a "Monster", yet you are trying to display what great parenting skills you have?!

  7. Anonymous it's not baffling at all. As a matter of fact, your children are going to do a TON of things that make you think they are monsters or worse. They are sentient beings in their own right and are eventually going to do their share of things to piss you off. To lie about your child and your feelings is to do a disservice to yourself and your child. It doesn't mean you have to yell, or get pissy or any of these things... but seriously, we're Mothers not saints and occasionally we see our kids for the little shits they occasionally can be.

    What does baffle me however is how all these negative comments are ALWAYS Anonymous.

  8. I call my girls monsters all the time but in an affectionate loving way. I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm sure Mamapoekie uses it in the same way. I hear lots of parents say it but always with affection.


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