Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting advice!
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we're writing letters to ask our readers for help with a current parenting issue. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Dearest reader,
In todays post, which will be included in the Carnival Of Natural Parenting, instead of giving you parenting tips, I am asking for your advice. We all need a little input at times.
When my daughter was teething, she was quite the little biter, occasionnally having a go at the breast. She also used to bite when she was overflowing with love. She would first hug us, give us lots of kisses and all of a sudden bite us. She used to do it out of what seemed an overflow of emotions, either love or anger. We overcame that behavior using the tips I described here. |
Now she knows she is hurting them or her dog (she even sometimes says 'hurt' and then goes off biting the dog), she bit herself a couple off times and said it hurt. But there seems no end to this behavior.
So I was wondering if any of you ever had a biting problem and how you handled it. Any advice is welcome.
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by the end of the day April 13 with all the carnival links.)
- Replace hitting with…? — Acacia at Be Present Mama is at a loss on how to handle her three year old's hitting.
- Two Questions — Alexandra at Breastfeeding Momma would like some ideas on how to strengthen her bond with her 8-month-old daughter; she's also looking for input on an emotional topic: vaccines.
- Balancing Needs When Baby Trumps Mama — Alison at BluebirdMama wonders how her child's need for noise and energy balances out against her need for quiet and space. (@childbearing )
- The McDilemma — Annie at PhD in Parenting is on the arches of a McDilemma. (@phdinparenting)
- Where is the mutually agreeable solution? When parenting calls for blood draws — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick has a child who needs regular blood tests that are torment for him. How does a parent honor a child when his health is on the line? (@RaisingBoychick)
- When To Wait To Nurse — Cave Mother wonders what age toddlers can be asked to wait to nurse.
- I don't love you Mama! — CurlyMonkey wonders what to do with her daughter's intense feelings. (@curlymonkey_)
- Help a Mama Out — Danielle at Born.in.Japan isn't getting much sleep with her cosleeping, night nursing, cranky little guy and hopes you can help with some suggestions for shuteye. (@borninjp)
- Dear Abby: My daughter really misses her Daddy — Darcel at The Mahogany Way needs to know how to help her daddy's girl get the connection with her father she needs — and not feel left out in the process. (@MahoganyWayMama)
- What's Going on at School? — Deb at Science@home is in a quandary: how can she find out what really goes on at school without stepping on the teacher's toes? (@ScienceMum)
- April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Advice — Dionna at Code Name: Mama wants to find volunteer work that includes her toddler. (@CodeNameMama)
- How do you deal? — Erin at Beatnik Momma does not want to engage in "mommy wars." She'd like your input on how (and how much) to discuss her natural parenting choices with curious friends and family who parent differently. (@babybeatnik)
- Dear Abby — The Grumbles at Grumbles and Grunts gave her son a banana...and no solid food since. What's the next step in baby-led weaning? (@thegrumbles)
- Excuse me, I have a poop question — Jessica at This is Worthwhile has a question for you about toddler tinkling. (@tisworthwhile)
- The Half Empty Nest Syndrome: What to do when Momma gets replaced by a cow? — Joni Rae at Kitchen Witch Momma is suffering from "half-empty nest syndrome": what do you do when your babies start growing up? (@kitchenwitch)
- Peer Pressure — Kate at Momopoly worries what message her daughter's new friend is sending — but how to break up such an infatuation? (@Momopoly)
- When I Fall Down — Katherine at Momioso.com needs your wisdom on how to be more gentle and at peace with herself. (@naturalparent)
- A question of sleep and sanity — KeepingMumSane needs your toddler cosleeping advice in order to, well, keep mum sane! (@keepingmumsane)
- April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting advice — Lauren at Hobo Mama needs a chiropractor … or help getting her 36 lb toddler to walk up the stairs. (@Hobo_Mama)
- Driver's Ed for Mommies — Maman A Droit is a self-confessed terrible driver and is scared to drive with her baby in the car.
- Solo Parenting — Mammapie at Downside Up and Outside In needs tips for being a single working mother while her partner's away. (@mammapie)
- Itsy Bitsy Biter — Mamapoekie at Authentic Parenting needs your advice about her daughter, otherwise known as the pitbull.
- How Can I Avoid Beauty Obsession? — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! is at a loss ever since her tomboys turned into wannabe princesses. (@bfmom)
- Seeking Stability in Chaos — Michelle at Seeking Mother is in a heart-wrenching position. She needs your input on how to make a toddler feel secure during a time of transition, the illness of a parent, and multiple (new) caregivers. (@Seekingmother)
- Mama, That's Too, Too Boring! — Michelle at The Parent Vortex started out asking how to encourage her preschooler to get dressed — and four days later, she began to without prompting! (@TheParentVortex)
- Dear Lovey Hart, I am Desperate. — Mommy Soup from Cream of Mommy Soup has several questions for you, from how you play favorites when no one's your favorite to how to tell off strangers curious about the ample size of your family. (@mommysoup)
- Diaper Duty Dilemma — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries has a simple request: talk to her about cloth! (@babydust)
- What Do You Need My Son — pchanner at A Mom's Fresh Start wishes her calm four-month-old hadn't turned into an inquisitive and dramatic six-month-old. How do you handle changes in baby's personality? (@pchanner)
- Dear Natural Parenting Community — Sarah at OneStarryNight wants to know how to respond to criticism from family and friends over breastfeeding. (@starrymom)
- Natural Parenting Carnival — Help — Sarah at Consider Eden feels like either her to-do list or her parenting is suffering, because she can't do both! (@considereden)
- To potty learn or not to potty learn - that is the question — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes wants to know whether it's time to start potty training. (@sheryljesin)
- Seeking Patience — Starr at Earth Mama looks to the collective tribal wisdom of this community to learn how to teach patience to children.
- A Dirty Girl Comes Clean — Tashmica at Mother Flippin' is struggling. How do parents deal with their inability to keep their children protected from danger? (@Mother_Flippin)
- Uli and the Pussy Cats — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis has a toddler who likes to put kitties in headlocks and ride them like horsies. How best to separate the little beasties?
- Perceptions of Discipline — Zoey at Good Goog doesn't use conventional discipline with her child — and doesn't know how to respond around people who do. (@zoeyspeak)
I don't have a biter, but I have a bitee. Mikko's temptingly chubby cheek was bitten by a girl in his class who has also had a go at several other students and a visiting baby. All I can say is how I've seen the teachers and other parents handle it, which is to continue gently speaking to her about how it hurts when she does that. Like your daughter, she seems to understand and be abashed once she bites, but it hasn't stopped the behavior yet. The teachers try to stop her before she has a chance to lunge. All I can suggest is to keep doing what you're doing and it will presumably resolve itself in time.
ReplyDeletePoor little one... You know, whenever she bites, it makes me so ashamed, because you can see people think "you see what the gentle parenting gets her". It's very frustrating that results are so slow
ReplyDeleteMy best friend had this problem when she took her daughter's binky away. She started biting all the time. Apparently, she needed the binky as a crutch to help handle her over-whelming emotions. She's two now and still has her binky, but my friend will only give it to her if she asks for it occasionally and is trying to slowly wean it. If she starts biting my friend will say "are you okay? Do you want a soft blanket or a binky?" and her daughter will usually respond yes and then sit there with it. It ends the biting every time.
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of breast-feeding mom's don't offer a binky which I totally understand, but perhaps giving her something that she CAN bite when she doesn't know how to handle the situation would help as it allows her to redirect that without hurting someone. I'm pretty sure this is a stage that all kids go through so hang in there! Best of luck!
Man. Biting the dog? That's a new one for me. We only had hair pulling problems (toddler --> cat), and what solved that was "gentle touches" coupled with lots of vigilance. We had to be proactive to try to stop it before it happened. Good luck!
ReplyDelete~Dionna @ Code Name: Mama
http://codenamemama.com
TheMinimalisticLife: I am assuming a binky is a dummy? No she doesn't have one. But it's a good idea though. I think we can try giving her sth to bite in or sth to squeeze when she's overwhelmed
ReplyDeleteOh lol. Baby biting dog.
ReplyDeleteI think some people are just prone to biting. It feels good, especially when overwhelmed with emotions. I'm a biter. I bite my husband, and I have to fight the urge to bite my babies because I JUST. LOVE. THEM. SO. MUCH.
This question comes up a lot in my line of work. I remind parents and teachers that they have to control what is in their power to control. If the child's behavior can not be changed (they do grow out of it) the environment has to be changed. That means a lot of work for the adults in the child's life. Triggers have to be identified and decreased and prevention is the word of the day. If the biting is done in aggression it usually stops when a child's communication and empathy level increases. If the biting is a sensory issue redirection to appropriate things is the trick. Some kids just bite. Sometimes we just have to be quicker than thay are to save their friends, family, or dog from the fangs!!
ReplyDeleteHow frustrating!!
ReplyDeleteI agree that I think this is a phase, however that doesn't lessen the frustration!
Perhaps it might be useful to see a homeopath. Maybe she bites because something physical is bothering her? Or perhaps an amber necklace might help?
If you can pick out a pattern of when she bites maybe you can link it to a feeling of stress she might be experiencing and you could diffuse the situation before it happens?
Best of luck!
Many blessings...:-)
We had a biting problem, until I realised that she was only biting me when she had been trying to get my attention (repeatedly) and I'd kept on doing what I was doing (in an attempt to get some work done at the computer).
ReplyDeleteOnce I realised this, I asked her to kiss me on the leg if she needed my attention while I was working and since then she hasn't bitten. Although her biting was only ever with me, not with other people (or animals).
I am interested in all the responses! DS1 was never much of a biter but DS2 (6.5mo old right now) already had taken to biting and finding it HYSTERICALLY funny for some reason.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, tough one. She might just not be at the stage yet where she gets that those other things are being hurt by her biting, even when she does it to herself. It's seems almost like one of those repeat behaviors that babies do to test out if the same thing will happen every time. I think the original advice you were using is sound. A calm, firm correction. Just stick with it?
ReplyDeleteOur youngest went through a biting phase not long after she turned two. She'll be three next month.
ReplyDeleteShe would bite us or her sister when she got upset. We kept telling her that we don't bite, and had to find other ways for her to let us know she was angry or frustrated, but biting was a big no-no
Thank you so much, ladies. I think I have to agree that it might be just a developmental thing she has to go through, since she doesn't do it out of emotion, to get attention or because she is teething. That being said, it seems to be getting better nowadays.
ReplyDeleteA bit late, but as an adult who really likes to bite things:Maybe it just feels good to her. Maybe if you give her things it's ok to bite, and make it clear that THIS is for biting and other things are NOT, she won't bite the inappropriate things anymore. Possibly a teething ring, or something else pleasingly resistant?
ReplyDelete