Google+ Authentic Parenting: Alienated and Brainwashed (Or Why We Shouldn't Get Angry At The opposition)- rerun

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Alienated and Brainwashed (Or Why We Shouldn't Get Angry At The opposition)- rerun

I have often wondered how come so many parents take birthing and raising their child as it comes and never think about it twice. Even if it feels unnatural. Even if they sense it is wrong.
I was never able to understand this and it often made me so angry. I know a lot of my fellow AP moms feel the same... like you would want to smack them up a little until they see the error of their ways. Until they admit they are wrong and stop attacking what is right.
I have thought about this long and hard and I think I have found the answer. I think there are two parts to explaining why this is happening. Why they don't renounce what is so obviously unnatural.

1. Alienation
2. Indoctrination

These are the two pillars of the society we as Westerners are living in. And society is making pretty damn sure that they are being applied.

From birth children are being alienated from their parents. As soon as they are born, they are taken away from the only thing they know and trust, their mom. And taken away in such a violent way, with the harsh sounds and the lights, sometimes prodded, mutilated, pushed and pulled... They can only be off to a bad start.
All warmth and nourishment a child should get is replaced by cold plastics. Bottles, blankies, teddy bears, none of it real!
This goes on as they are put into seperate rooms, alone, in the dark, in cages (called cribs). THey are put on the floor because heaven forbid we should spoil them with our touch. They are taught that no man shall be trusted, not even those we hold dear, not even our own parents. And that we are all inherently alone in this world. When they are about three months old we dump them in a strangers home with a bunch of other kids were they are given only basic care, until they are old enough to be shipped off to school and out of their parents' hair until nightfall.
They are constantly told to grow up. To be individuals, to be autonomous.

And another very important factor in our society is to not make them think or learn anything for themselves. They are spoon fed until the age of two and suck on bottles until they are three. What they learn has been selected and pre-chewed. What they do in their spare time has been organized for them. All attempts a child gets at thinking or doing something on their own get nipped in the butt as soon as the mere thought occurs. Colour between the lines! Stay in the line! Sit up straight! Quiet! Grown-ups talking.
The importance of having your child do chores, of having him perform, play an instrument, go to this and that class, have so many friends, go through this and that developmental stage at that particular age... Parents get so focused on the 'numbers' and on drilling their kids to be prepared for society, that all that was humane seems to be sucked out of parenting.
All this does is create meek and obedient consumers, ready to fill the void in their souls with product, premolded play dough people.
It does not differ much from treatment children got in the Third Reich, save from the fact that at least they were more overt at trying to strip generations of their freedom in order to create the ideal soldier to follow orders without arguement and the ideal incubator where the girls were concerned.

Yet we choose to ignore this, or we are too hypnotized to see it. If you think about it, it is quite a surpise that some people are able distance them from this mass hypnosis. Because it takes more than just acknowledging the fact that there's something seriously wrong, it also means you have to denoince what was done to you as a child. And this is quite a big step. Think about the dog, beaten by its owner, lying adoringly by his offenders' side, unable to rise up against the force used against him.

So if you get angry at once ignorant remarks, once clear lack of judgement... calm down. Do your best to explain, if possible, for they are asleep and must be woken gently.



  1. Thank you for this. I too often feel angry and frustrated at the ignorance and blindness of so many parents who don't even question what they are doing, and it can be almost physically painful for me to be in a children's playground sometimes witnessing the abuse that goes on. But the answer is compassion and not judgement - after all being criticised doesn't make one likely to listen and be open to a new way, and I doubt any of us is perfectly authentically parenting at all times. We have so much conditioning to undo. I also know some parents who changed a lot between child one and child two and were able to embrace natural parenting with courage and humility. It's such a shame that the way children are treated is normalised in our society as the 'proper' way to do things, but blogs like these give me hope that there is a growing movement of doing it differently. I feel very fortunate that I was able to still hear my intuition on how to parent lovingly, and that is largely due to the support of mother mentors and the information and forums on the web.

  2. Thank you for this thoughtful comment. It is hard not to lash out when we see something that so clearly violates everything we feel and believe. But as you say, attack causes defensive behavior, and that does not bring us anywhere.
    Even for an attached parent is is a daily journey

  3. I had to do a modified version of AP because my daughter is a preemie. At first, she needed those plastics. They saved her life. And touch was too stimulating for her most of the time. It was hard because I felt like I was going against what I felt was the right way to handle my baby - my head had to convince my heart that this was best... for now. (First time her stats went crazy because she was overstimulated was a wakeup call!! But a couple weeks later, the first time her stats *calmed* because of kangaroo care? That was HEAVEN!) When she came home from the NICU, we were slowly able to get back into the way we wanted to do things. :)

    I sooooooo agree with this: "All attempts a child gets at thinking or doing something on their own get nipped in the butt as soon as the mere thought occurs. Colour between the lines! Stay in the line! Sit up straight! Quiet! Grown-ups talking." I think that's a biggie for us, and why we're leaning toward unschooling.

    Great post, thanks for it!!


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